9 rules for the Covid-fair Cattle Market
The following is a public service announcement which contains the rules and regulations that people have to follow in the cattle market. Violators of any of the rules will obviously be hanged.
1. Do not touch the cows. You are not an expert. You may think you are but you feeling up the cow will not give you an idea of the price and nor will it make anyone think that you know what you are doing.
2. Do not take off your mask while negotiating. Contrary to popular belief, the mask does not muffle the sound of your voice in any negligible way. Do not wear the mask on your stupid chin and just wear it properly. Also, cover your nose with it.
3. Do not mill around. You know your budget. You know exactly how much you are willing to spend. There is no point waiting around till a cattle trader finally crumbles under your intense negotiating prowess.
4. Stop embracing acquaintances you meet. Do not even shake their hands. Avoid eye contact if possible.
5. All cows must have masks on. Yes, it sucks, we know. You can no longer count their teeth.
6. Why don't you guys just try ordering online? You know we can't test too many. You know our hospitals aren't that equipped. Just stay indoors. Enjoy the holiday.
7. Sanitising your hand after touching everything around you in the Cow Haat isn't the best practice. Why can't you just stop touching things?
8. Don't spit. We also asked masks not be taken off, but you guys will probably find a way to spit. Also, why do you guys muster up all that strength to draw out that phlegm deep inside, which wasn't even bothering you, only to spit it out.
9. Do you honestly need another rule?