VENICE the Menace

Perhaps it is nature crying due to the hike in power and gas tariffs. But all it takes is a daylong downpour and Dhaka is the new Venice (is Narayanganj then the new Vanish?). Then who is the Merchant? Well, at least the share market scam is being addressed.

With the new Venice, I would have thought some romance would be kindled with styrofoam attached rickshaws turning into romantic gondolas. Hold on Romeos – in the open you can't kiss, but you sure can piss.

But that doesn't happen. BRTC (could merge with BIWTA) double-deckers all of a sudden become very popular with all scrambling for the upper deck. Announcement for the not so lucky passengers on the lower deck: "The floatation devices are under your seats."

Those buying properties in Noakhali predicting that with the rise in sea level, Noakhali would be the new coastal area, are disheartened. Dhaka beats Noakhali to the punch by becoming the new coastal area. People from Cox's Bazaar are now coming to Dhaka for a vacation. Finally, Dhaka is vindicated of having skyrocketing real estate prices.

Meanwhile, St. Joseph's in Mohammadpur is now St. Martin's, two heads sticking out of a crowded Toyota Noah microbus is the Noah's Ark, Dhaka is included in the Bangladesh-India-Myanmar water treaty talks, Mamata Banerjee itches to build a barrage in Farmgate, traders for the upcoming Qurbani Eid contemplate water buffaloes, the World Bank mulls funding a Badda Bridge (with the Padma Bridge being 'water under the bridge'), I sing The Beatles' Yellow Submarine seeing bottom-invisible Toma taxis, some report seeing the Loch Ness monster, there's a rickshaw baich on Manik Mia Avenue, all Dhaka bound flights emphasise on the announcement: "In the event of a water landing…" while omitting the phrase "in the unlikely event of", car workshops convert businesses from CNG conversion to EOR (Engine On Roof) conversion, kids re-write essays on 'A Journey by Boat' as a memorable (to say the least) trip from Mohammadpur to Dhanmondi while pre-schoolers chant:

Row, row, row your boat

Gently down the street

If you see a CNG

Don't forget to fleet!

Karma? You bet! Forget the inadequate planning of storm drainage. It is us who have clogged drainages with polythene bags. It is us who have encroached rivers and filled up low lands for development despite warnings from experts about waterlogging. It is us who have always had a readymade answer, "We will 'cross that bridge' when the time comes." Uhm, I think we DO need that bridge now to cross the streets in Dhaka.

All (remaining) low lands now sport the classic tin signboard sticking out from the water on two bamboo sticks announcing the arrival of some future 'city'. If we don't get our acts together, very soon we will see similar signs on Kazi Nazrul Islam Avenue sporting 'Dhaka City'. The last thing we want is for the Buriganga to be permanently situated on the banks of Dhaka.

The writer is an engineer at Ford & Qualcomm USA and CEO of IBM & Nokia Siemens Networks Bangladesh turned comedian (by choice), the host of NTV's The Naveed Mahbub Show and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club.

E-mail: naveed@naveedmahbub.com