Are you man enough?

Managerial. Manpower. Mannered. Manmade. Fireman. Mantic. Penmanship. Humanitarian. Superman.

Men — we are the embodiment of power, courage, determination, resourcefulness, wisdom. Nay, not just that, we are heroic. We are supreme. We are near divine. We are the epitome of the aptly named, mankind. Such a lofty perch we sit on. From such heights, it was always going to be a rough fall.

I strongly believe that equality does not mean equity. And I am all for equity. The list of critical words or names we call women for choices they make (or do not make) is quite an extensive one. But for all the derogatory terms we throw at women, do we ever hold men to the same standards? "Boys will be boys" is the default answer, almost as if others are to blame if they expect anything more from us men. However, which boyish attributes do we refer to? Is it the standard-bearing individuals with all the superhuman attributes we like to inflate our egos with? Certainly not. "Boys will be boys" is an overused excuse to dismiss any flagging concerns and any rising expectations for our gender. You can almost hear the heavy sigh in the background when someone utters the phrase. We are expected to venture down the "wrong" path — the life of indulgence — take a puff or a sip, late night shenanigans, and of course be a ladies' man. We are lauded by our peers and our nudging, winking and smirking uncles, cousins and friends for making these choices. After all, the consensus seems to be that boys must have fun before they eventually settle down with a princess they've "won" or "rescued" from the clutches of her over-protective parents. The world is overwhelmingly setup in our favour but we seemed to have missed the memo saying, "with great power comes great responsibility".

If practice makes permanent, it is easy to see why irresponsible "boys" who have been reinforced to think it's okay to fool around make for permanently poor men and husbands. Religiously or socially, when a man marries, he is still expected to take responsibility for his wife. Too often it appears that this responsibility is only limited to providing shelter, food and money (if even that). It does not encompass being understanding, communicative, loyal, or treating his wife with respect and care. I do not need to know which came first, the chicken or the egg, however, looking at workplaces and men around the city, the issue of straying men is pervasive. Yet society, in Bangladesh and abroad, treats it as a joke. Even in Silicon Valley, the heart of "progressive" America, reports of workplace harassment run amok. But being a high performer is a guaranteed ticket to ensure that HR turns a blind eye. I have witnessed at close hand how men's terrible choices permanently damage families. Directly or indirectly, we are all victims of this malaise. Consequently, as a business leader, I have swiftly removed men for making those same poor choices that disrupt the workplace (high performer or not).

Nonetheless, the crux of the issue remains — we (men) get a free pass all our lives. "Boys will be boys" stick with us, and our parents, friends and relatives defend and dismiss our poor choices (naively hoping that our questionable choices will eventually wrinkle out). Yet poor precedent is powerful, and we are so used to having everything our way that we cannot make the sacrifices required to be decent men — as a person and as a family man. Our past frailties deem us rudderless and we succumb to our desires. Do not get me wrong, women are sometimes culpable, increasingly more so. However, women more than get their share of blame. But the world revolves around us men — we are the ones put up on the pedestals, somewhere most of us do not deserve to be.

Considering our free reign from our youth, we act out every time there is the tiniest bit of impediment on our freedom. We are men after all. And as men our machoism takes over, and our stubbornness take over the steering wheel of our swerving car. We are so adept at picking out masculine traits that work in our favour — working away from home, being stubborn, taking control, not being answerable to anyone, etc. Yet, we completely disregard all the masculine traits that force us to be responsible, ethical, sacrificial and humane. The glorious advantage of being a man.

The buck must stop somewhere. Are our "boys" so fragile that we cannot say no? Are we so distanced from our children that they cannot pick up right from wrong? If men personify traits such as determination, self-control, will-power, wisdom, and courage, how is it that we so easily err and give into our qualms and desires? Why is it that our wandering eyes cannot focus on the bigger picture?

There are no excuses — men now are a parody of the heroic songs of praises we sing about ourselves. To earn back our respect, we must first hold ourselves to higher standards. We cannot break down at every instance and give in to our wishes and desires. "A man's got to do what a man's got to do" and that means compromises and sacrifices to do the right thing — no matter what. That means protecting and taking care of our families. That means coming back from work to show love and compassion to our parents, wife and children. That means putting others first, no matter how rough our day was. That means truly being role models for the next generation — both inside and outside. Women are like those magnifying mirrors — we make the first move but they will be sure to give the same back but in greater proportions. We can do so much better — for our mothers who we worry sick, for our wives we force to shed tears, and for our daughters who fear that all men are as devoid of loyalty, self-control and guidance as we are. We can be heroic again — all we need is a little more selflessness and determination, and a whole dose of self-control.

God-willing, I will be a father to a baby girl in two weeks' time. Sure enough, she will be held to all the stringent expectations that society holds of women, and then some more. But if a son eventually comes along, he will have no concessions. In fact, he will be subject to even higher standards, so that one day, he earns the right to be called a gentleman. Perhaps we alone cannot change the world, but we all can be better examples so that we instil higher expectations and better discipline to raise the men of the next generation. Our boys will be men before long, but only if we teach them the true meaning of what being a man is all about.

The writer is a graduate of the University of Oxford (MBA) and University of Western Ontario (HBA), and the Director of Six Seasons Hotel.