Published on 12:00 AM, July 31, 2015

Water Cooler Chronicles

How To Stand Out With Your Cover Letter

The cover letter is like the cape to your otherwise awesome CV that is Batman. Sure you might be the hero that the new position deserves, but show up without a proper cape, and to your potential employer you are just a masked vigilante punk. This is where you differentiate yourself, let them know that you are the man and hopefully they will put you through to the next round of screening. Now, the internet is full of gems of formats and samples for you to follow. But what do you do when your skills are rather exceptional? The age old 'I am a fast learner' and 'Can operate MS Word and Excel like a boss' just doesn't cut it anymore. We take a look at a few professions and what they could put on their cover letters to stand out.

Hacker

My skills at cracking encryption and bypassing security are off the charts. I have been with Anonymous when they were taking down federal sites and the details that I know about my ex girlfriend's daily activities gives new meaning to the word stalker. But what use does the office have for me? Besides the obvious that I can fix all security issues, I can also find out who in the office has been downloading 'movies' and eating up all the bandwidth.

Minions

It's bring your kids to work day and you need to keep them entertained? Hire me and you won't have to worry about them ever again. Those corporate memos that don't make sense? I am great at writing those. Need me to multitask? There's literally a hundred other me's who are ready. Heck you might even offer me a second job despite your best judgement after seeing me work my magic.

Busboy

Need someone who can multitask? I come highly recommended for my ability to move between tables while carrying a jug of coffee, 20 plates and 18 mugs. Can also wipe tables, remember large amounts of information (from taking orders) and offer occasional chit-chat to clients.

Picketer

Who doesn't want an anarchist in the office – especially one with the ability to cook instant 'brews' and blend into the crowd. And that next office picnic, the team with me on it, is definitely winning any game that involves throwing things. Can also write catchy slogans, chant in unison and put flowers inside gun barrels pointed at me.