Momentary Lapse of (Un)Reason

SK for a noun. You are guaranteed to not only get a noun, but a highly emphatic one based on rock solid confidence. As a bonus, you get a decorative adjective.

“Do you know Naveed?”

“Of course! I had tea with him just yesterday.” The emphatic noun.

Then a frown: “He's a...” What follows is a barrage of expletives, i.e., adjectives.

So, answering your boss's off the cuff query “Do you know what was Christopher Columbus' second cousin's name?” with “No, I'm afraid I don't have the answer to that right off the bat” comes with the 'adjectives': “What? You don't know? You have an MBA and you have been working here for the last 10 years! You still have no brains.”

Sotto voce: “Uhm, if I did have the brains, I wouldn't be working here for such a pittance.”

So, confidence is a must as a 'no' is never a valid answer. Oh yes, there is one time when we DO use a 'no' -- “No problem”, which really means BIG problem.

Now you know why we have walking Google Maps when you ask a stranger for directions. Of course, there is a good chance you'll end up at Lal Bagh Kella instead of your intended Lal Matia.

Yes, we assume. Assume = A$$ + you + me. Assume and you make an a$$ of you and me.

And so brings about our mapping using Bush-ism, though not quite as binary as “You're either with us, or with them.” We are a tad liberal, though not quite as liberal as the human race shoehorning seven billion living people into just twelve distinctive characters based on the Zodiac. So, I praise the maneuverability of the nimble Maruti and I'm a Bharoter Dalaal, I grow a five o'clock shadow and I'm on ISIS watch, I hold the door for a young lady (not expecting a thank you) and I am a flirt, I have a cup of coffee with a competitor and I'm a traitor…

But, like a few, I dare to hold on to childlike naiveté. So, when I see the recent attempt of a mother to console another fellow mother as the latter loses her child while the bereaved mother (later) appreciates the compassionate gesture of the former, I happily shed the nouns, adjectives, confidence and assumptions and take it all at face value. Momentary lapse of (un)reason? So be it.  Just pause, cherish, hope, imbibe and respect -- like pausing an action scene from an action movie, as the seventeen cameras do a 360 scan from all angles.

Sigh. Even face value is tied to the stock index. TIB (This Is Bangladesh), where every action has an instant reaction. Un-pause the scene and let all the nouns, adjectives, confidence and assumptions spring back to live. After all, the trust factor is at an all time low, even lower than the Dow Jones Industrial Average of 1929.

Speaking of which, it's America, the Land of Opportunities while it's Bangladesh, the Land of Possibilities -- where anything is possible.

The writer is an engineer & CEO turned comedian (by choice), the host of NTV's The Naveed Mahbub Show and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club.
E-mail: naveed@naveedmahbub.com