The science of relationships

The right partner mirrors back how you feel about yourself. While finding the right match is never easy and there is no precise formula to finding the proverbial 'soul mate,' LS comes to the rescue. 

The reality is that the more intentional you are about finding a partner, the more likely you will find the right person to be with. Follow some of these easy steps to getting an inch closer to your happily-ever-after. 

Love guru hacks: the who, not how

Welcome to the science of love. While I am no scientist, I am certainly an expert. In fact, in the past three months, I have fallen in love a total of 12 times. With different people. And yes, there is a science behind it.

Step 1: Find your mate

Do you constantly find everyone to be below your standards? Does no one fit your ‘simple’ requirements? If you say yes to these, understand that the problem is probably you. You may have set standards even you do not attain.

The three key things to actually look for in a partner are as such — proximity, attentiveness and accessibility. If they are close by, pay attention to you and are accessible, then it is time to go for it.

These three are not just pulled out of air. Hazan and Shaver (1988), used Bowlby’s (1951) attachment theory and concluded that our early emotional and social development impacted our future relationships and these were three key factors that shaped our social life in the future.

Step 2: Know thyself

Ainsworth (1969) carried out the Ganda Project. This was to test a child’s attachment pattern. The three patterns discovered would then be used as frameworks to describe people in love. Ask yourself which of these three lovers you are and then go about looking for a mate accordingly.

Secure lovers are those who are trusting, happy and friendly in their most important relationships. Ladies, such lovers are rare and men, this is probably a standard you cannot meet, so read on.

Avoidant lovers are those who fear intimacy, have emotional highs and lows and feelings of jealousy. This is probably most of us. Most likely it’s you because you are reading this. Or not.

The third kind is the ambivalent lover. They fervently believe that romantic love is ‘characterised by obsession, emotional highs and lows, extreme sexual attraction, and jealousy.’

If you know what you are, then you will know what you are looking for.

Step 3: Do the ‘Math’

Math helps. And while we are all terrible at it, except for those nerds that we hated in school, but now really want to be friends with, it can help find you love!

 

In the ‘60, this mathematical solution was dubbed ‘The Marriage Problem’ before the PC-police repackaged it as “The Secretary Problem”. Stemming from the actions of one of the greatest astronomers, Johannes Kepler, who himself was in want of love, this mathematical solution works like an optimal strategy; it does not guarantee success but maximises chances.

First step is you take the three factors mentioned in step one and create a list. Consider it a short-list of potential candidates. Now, once the list is made, proceed to meet or date the first 36.8 percent of the first group. Marry and commit to none. Move on to those left. The minute you meet someone better than all in the first group, that’s the one you choose.

Remember though, there’s no going back once you pass an opportunity. It’s like a chess game but with real pieces. That’s also how marriage works. Why 36.8 percent though? Well, it’s a proven math formula regarding how 1/e= 36.8% proven in almost all controlled situations. That’s all we can tell you because we honest don’t know more.

But there you have it. The Science of Love. When you make it, send us a box of sweets. If you don’t, then that’s because you aren’t smooth enough.