Be a parent, but also a friend and hero

I am a parent, and as such I feel the onus to teach our children the difference between good and bad is squarely on us. We the parents, both fathers and mothers, are our children's first teachers, and it is our responsibility to inculcate the right kind of knowledge into them, so they can become worthy members of the society when they grow up.  As a parent, I also feel that if my child fails her society, I am also partly, if not fully, responsible for her failure. 

We now live in a fast-paced, selfish, materialistic world where we are so busy making money and living our own lives that many of us have no idea what our children do on the Internet all day long, what they play, read and watch, who their friends are, and how they spend their free time. 

We do not sit together at the dinner table, we do not watch movies together, and we do not chitchat over breakfast on weekends. We do not know if our children are depressed or secretly frustrated, or if all they want is their parents' love and company, not an iPhone or a fancy car. We do not know about our children's dreams and what they lack in life.

So if we think that a comfortable life is all that our children need to become good men and women then we are mistaken, because humans are complex animals and their needs cannot always be fulfilled with bulky bundles of banknotes. 

We, the parents, must continually try to fulfil the 'emotional needs' of our children, without which they cannot grow into healthy adults. 

Remember that the needs of a child change with time. When children are young, it's their sustenance that we mostly need to satisfy -- we need to feed them, give them warmth, change their diapers, and bathe them. But as they grow older and become more independent, it's their emotional needs that we the parents should try to fulfil. 

Perhaps we should take a break from 'keeping up with the Joneses,' and look at our children to see if we have failed to provide them something they need to feel loved. 

If only money could make someone happy then some of the kids that perpetrated the gruesome attack on Holey Artisan would not have done what they did. They attended some of the best educational institutions of the country. They had fine food to eat, good clothes to wear, nice houses to live, and yet something led them to leave everything behind, and carry out a carnage that their motherland never witnessed before. 

So, love your children, spend time with them, be their friend so that they open up to you when they are sad, lonely, hopeless, and in trouble.

Teach your children to love animals, nature, and other people. As your child's first teacher you can be his role model, his hero. Children are like sponges, they hear and see everything that adults, especially the parents do. And more often, they remember your actions rather than your words. Be kind towards your child, respect him, praise him, but do not condone unjust pride, and most importantly, imbibe these qualities in your actions. Listen to your child without judgement, hear when he has something to share, laugh with him, hug him, and take a break from your everyday routine to spend quality time with him.

But do not just love, praise and be kind to your child; show similar attitude towards other people as well -- your domestic helpers, office employees, spouses, relatives, and even people you never met before.

Do not slap a rickshaw puller in the face when his three-wheeler accidentally scratches your shiny car, or threaten a waiter at a restaurant when he serves you the wrong dish. Sometimes, we inadvertently demonstrate the very behaviour that we want our children to avoid. 

Our children learn from us, so before you say or do something in your personal or professional life, think how it might affect your child when he sees or hears about it. 

Think twice before you do something that may give you material comfort in the present, but may make your soul suffer in remorse in the future. 

Love your children. Think of them. Make them feel loved and wanted not just on their birthdays, but every day of the year. Try to become your children's friend and role model. Show interest in their interests, develop a deep emotional connection with them, and last but not least, try to set good examples for them, so that they can hold their heads up in 

pride every time they think of you.

By Wara Karim