The Fasting Point System
For Muslims, this is the time when they get to reconnect or reinvigorate the relationship shared with their faith. For a lot of other Muslims, it is time to remind other Muslims why their fast does not count or rather does not amount to the full divine points up for grabs.
This can be saddening and downright de-motivating. Who does not want to gain the full points possible?
To ease the process of the fast, the first two weeks were spent collecting all the possible ways you will lose divine points from your post. To gain the full sum available, check this list out!
First, we must make the assumption that a maximum of 100 points can be derived from each act of fasting. However, the following series of actions will result in point deductions.
DON'T SAY YOU ARE HUNGRY OR THIRSTY
If you ever feel hungry or thirsty, do not verbally express that. Ever! If you dare verbally express you are either of those things, expect someone to pop out of the woodwork and tell you that your complaint has now resulted in your fast becoming 'lighter'.
We do not know what lighter means but we know that points must be deducted. If someone asks you if you are hungry, do not be stupid enough to lie. That's the set up. Lying will cause a loss of major points. It's best to walk away with a smile and refuse to answer at all. -20 points
SWALLOWING YOUR SALIVA
Your body produces saliva. Unknowingly you swallow a lot of it back. Except there are people who do not. There are people so dedicated that they spend the entirety of the day spitting out. The streets of Dhaka can be seen to have formed many little pools of saliva thanks to these conscious individuals. Thankfully mosquitoes cannot breed in these pools. If you accumulate saliva in your mouth and swallow it for relief not only are you gross but that's -100 points. If you swallow a little bit of saliva because you don't want to spit around your desk, let's negotiate and bring that down to -10 points.
SPELL IT WELL
Is it Seheri, Suhoor, Sahree, Ramadan Mubarak or Ramadan Kareem, Ramadan or Ramazan or Romjan? You may think God does not really care how we spell or say these words in languages we made up or languages which were forced upon us thanks to colonisation but you are absolutely wrong. Or maybe you are right. Either way, while God may not care, people certainly do and they will tell you that you just lost a bunch of divine points because of your ignorance or whatever this can be called. Wrong spelling will mean -10 points.
IMAGINATION AND IMAGES
A research I made up shows that Bangladeshis spend 26 hours a day on Facebook. When they are fasting that increases to 27 hours because how else will the day pass if you don't even eat? Now of those 27 hours, chances are a pretty boy or a pretty girl or whatever floats your boat will show up on your newsfeed. If you fail to scroll down in 3 seconds, then that is at least -30 points. If you wait too long to scroll down and choose to post a compliment, well that's too bad because your nicety just cost you -40 points.
EATING MISWAAK
Ok, so halitosis is one thing but then not brushing your teeth makes the whole situation worse. See, you cannot brush your teeth because you will inevitably swallow the paste. Or maybe you won't, but why risk it. Why not gargle, instead? But what if you swallow the water when gargling? No one has thought of that yet. But brushing your teeth can cost you anywhere between -30 points to -100 points. The alternate is to use Miswaak. However, we have observed people spending hours chewing Miswaak. Literally, hours. That cannot be right. If you finish an entire stalk of Miswaak during your fast, you are doing it wrong and that's easily -50 points.
DON'T SAY IT'S HOT
It is hot and humid. We all know. When you inform me of the heat while seeing the beads of sweat on my forehead, it makes me think that you are an idiot. You probably are but I cannot tell you that during my fast because calling names is an easy -30 points. However, if you go complaining about the heat then trust me, that's an easy - 45 points. The Divine does not like little whiners and that's you.
These are just a few of the things that can make you lose your points. There's a lot more and I am sure someone has written a book about it somewhere. However, remember the Divine will see your intention and judge you for that. So keep your intentions noble and pure and remember what the fast should be all about and you will do well. Maybe you will hit a 100 points. Who knows but God?
By Osama Rahman