Don't be a New Year nuisance

The beginning of a New Year gives prominence to a few distinct groups of human beings who on even their best days are terribly annoying. Coupled with a hangover, the start to almost every year becomes the worst experience just for the presence of the aforementioned individuals. Thankfully though, they are easy to categorise and hence easy to identify, thus becoming easy to rip out from the very core of your lives. 

The first group among them are the Resolution Makers. The Resolution Makers make it a point to plan out whatever stupid thing they are planning on doing for the entire year. It usually involves overcoming some fear, confronting some childhood bully or trying out a new cuisine like it's a big deal. None of what they plan to do bear any importance to anyone's life, including their own. 

Resolution Makers also tend to lean towards what they believe to be 'self-improvement'. Once a Resolution Maker thinks he has completed a resolution, expect to be greeted with expectations of approval and desperate pleas for attention. Stop making resolutions. There is no point in having a written reminder of your failures. 

The second group which should by all rights be outlawed are the Achievement Unlockers. Like the Resolution Makers, The Achievement Unlockers begin every year by reliving everything that they have done in the last year. 

Most of their Achievements are pretty mundane, like marriage, good grades, promotions, etc. These go-getters are the worst of the worst because their thirst is not quenched by success alone but rather by boring people with essays about how they did what they did and why they did. 

At this point Achievement Unlockers are wont to point out all of the hurdles they had to cross and how hard their journey was and how they have a lot more to do in the future. We get it; you guys do things. Now shut the hell up and do them. 

The last group, among many unnamed, are the Cry Babies Getting Grown. Basically, these are adults who moan and gripe about all their trials and tribulations. 

This group of people hardly have friends, because let us be honest, no one cares about anyone else's problems, least of all people who have their own problems i.e. all of us. 

The Cry Babies make a list of all the ways they have had a terrible year and then outline how they are going to be optimistic and have faith in God and Karma and all other kinds of self-fed excuses to dodge the real issue of their lack of social skills and general talent. 

A New Year is a great time to actually sit back and think of all the people you can do without; there are plenty of them and the pool keeps growing every year. 

By Osama Rahman