How to survive a heartbreak
Heartbreak is a universally recognised bundle of emotions; full of angst, misery and bitterness. While it may feel like the end of the world to some, to others it is a notion of ultimate betrayal; rejecting love. It can be tough to get over habits that you shared, smells that reminds you of good days but most importantly, you have to stop and feel the beginning of something much better.
Psychologists emphasizes that 'grief is complicated' and when it comes to the dealings of the heart there is no way around it; healing a broken heart takes time. You cannot compare yourself to anyone as everyone heals differently. Time is your true friend. Not to let time heal your wounds while you writhe in self-pity or allow your emotions to engulf you, but to move with time. Move forward with what should be your topmost priority, you.
During this period of heightened emotional discrepancy, you are most likely to forget yourself. Among it all, give yourself space to feel all of it. Grief tends to take a toll on your physical stability while your emotions all run around like headless chickens. Don't beat yourself up and give yourself the freedom to get distracted. Do not deprive yourself of fresh air, sunlight, food and the shower or bath; these are crucial for you as well as the people who cares about you.
Do something that brings you pleasure every day. Yes, one thing a day that you would not do for whatever earthly reasons. Self-love is crucial. Start small, start with you. Stretch every muscle in your body. Sit up straight. Make yourself tea. Read a headline, water plants, listen to the sounds of birds on your window pane. Go outside. Grab the latest show in theatres, may it be movies or Broadway. Allow yourself to indulge in that trip you have been planning for ages, but never could make the time for it. Nothing works quite as well as Mother Nature on a broken heart.
During these times of distress, it is easy to lose your way to getting better and actually find yourself involving yourself in self-destructive behaviours. It includes looking for a rebound, substance abuse and texting/calling or trying to constantly get in touch with your ex. This is a big, red, blinking NO. You cannot walk backwards or keep going in circles if you want to heal
Another thing about healing, it is not linear. You will not keep feeling better and better every day but you will get better. Days will be black and white. Give yourself room for error. Do not expect yourself to handle everything perfectly. Yes, you may not want to go into work some days. Yes, you will cry at a brand commercial on TV. Yes, you may forget your wallet or keys at home and feel frustrated at life. Yes, you will laugh at something when it is really funny. The point of going through all this is 'letting yourself feel'.
Do not see now as forever. Don't spiral down the rabbit hole of 'What am I going to do without them?' or 'Where do I go from here?' or 'I am going to be alone forever!' This is not permanent. Acceptance is a required move that you need to make on your own in terms of healing. In terms of grieving. In terms of letting bygones be bygones. Focus on now as it is. Feel the room you are in; it is whatever time it is and you are heartbroken. It will get better but now, it is not.
'Radical Self-Compassion,' is something quite effective and something I have applied in my personal experience with heartbreak. It means total compassion without nothing excluded; it ranges from giving yourself a hug to writing letters to the future you. Talk to yourself as you would talk to a toddler who just fell off the swing. Words, as sharp as daggers and as soft as feathers, is the medicine when it comes to the business of the heart. 'I am sorry for what happened. I know it hurts and I know you are strong enough to pull through this. It is okay to feel the way you do. We will figure out how to work on this. I will not give up on you.'