Can dating your opposites lead to happily ever after?
Did you ever find yourself attracted to someone different from you? Even though you are shy and creative, you have a thing for outgoing and athletic people. Or perhaps you party every weekend, but the one you love likes quiet evenings at home. Regardless, it is an age-old romantic cliché that opposites are more likely to fall in love.
You may remember seeing Belle's heart melt for the Beast, a monstrous being who was drastically different. You could have also seen the A+ student's infatuation with the class joker and other unlikely romances in your favourite rom-com. But, is it possible for opposites to genuinely complement one another? Researchers in psychology and relationship experts say that the answer could be both yes and no.
When we dug a little deeper, we learned from the intellectual and candid Faiza Tasnim Zaman her experience. "Opposites do attract! See, in a relationship, two people can contribute diversity and fresh ideas, which can help keep the excitement going. Being opposite simply adds a spark you didn't know existed!" stated Zaman.
She further gushed, "In my relationship, it has allowed us to explore and attempt unfamiliar things, which has always been intriguing and enjoyable. We're continuously adding new things to each other's life, which I believe is extremely special."
A study in Developmental Psychology examined 1,965 couples' long-term relationship success and found that opposites indeed attract. This could be because we, as human beings, do not have some characteristics, and we tend to seek out others to make up the difference. In fact, to hide our imperfections and bring harmony to our lives, we long for a companion who balances us out perfectly. The underlying idea behind the opposites attract motif is that people may support, improve, and even surprise one another with their differences. All of these things usually result in a lovely, exciting, and passionate relationship.
"In my relationship, my girlfriend and I have many significant differences. She is more emotionally expressive than me. I'm quite low-key and don't express what I feel often. It helps in a way because if she was like me in terms of emotions, the relationship between us would be quite dull. She makes the relationship quite lively! Moreover, she likes listening to Bangla songs more while I like listening to English songs. As a result of our differences in music, we get to explore music a lot," explained 23-year-old Mahdir Islam.
But what happens when opposites do not really attract? Could you imagine being with someone who is an embodiment of everything you are not? When asked, undergraduate student Protyasha Chowdhury, stressed, "If two people are not similar, the relationship won't sustain in the long run because there won't be compatibility. You need compatibility on a psychological, mental, and even a spiritual level. If that isn't in the relationship, one of them tries too hard to make things work and compromise to the point that they lose themselves and their self-respect."
She further added, "My partner and I do have a few differences in preferences but we are not majorly opposites. What keeps us together alongside love are the common grounds, similar personality, habits, the way we see the world and people, our point of view on religion, family, ethics, social matters, and life goals."
Several studies have investigated the possibility that opposites may attract for a little amount of time to provide individuals with the excitement of experiencing something rare and thrilling. As the relationship progresses, many people feel that the differences will eventually become more noticeable, which might finally result in heartbreak. In 2013, eHarmony found that in their dating site's matching technology, long-term relationships developed more between people with similar attributes as opposed to polar opposite personalities.
Sharing this sentiment, soft-spoken Tanzidur Rahman Nakshatra expressed, "Being a shy, introverted person, I was really drawn to someone who had exceptional interpersonal abilities. However, it did not work out as I anticipated since her goals, ambitions, and expectations did not match what I had to offer. Long-term relationships, in my opinion, benefit from a combination of two people's personalities and similar mentalities and compatibility."
As humans, we look for compatibility in terms of age, religion, education, and hobbies. See, when you are passionate about something, you would want the person you are with to give it the same level of fascination. However, if they are so different from you that they do not even care about it, it will ultimately lead to your melancholy. There are even chances that jealousy might ensue in relationships when people see their partners being more compatible with others of similar hobbies. These factors may contribute to hostile attitudes and actions, such as avoiding one another, arguing, and passive-aggressive behaviour.
With all that said, should you date your opposite? Well, dating someone unlike you may broaden your perspective, provide creativity to your life, and even help you find balance. But if you disagree on significant issues like money, kids, religion, family obligations, relationship rules, etc., you may end the relationship. Ultimately though, it is about how someone makes you feel. Get in touch with your emotions and figure out whether they bring you joy. If that is the case, then you might be right to be their opposite!