Jealousy and how you can harness it

It is human nature to want things our role models or competitors have. Often, feelings of jealousy creep in on us when we inwardly compare our lives to theirs and this can throw us on a downward spiral. However, envy can tell you a number of things about yourself and it is important to listen to what it may be trying to convey in order to truly harness the power of this negative feeling into something positive.

Jealousy has types. Psychologists distinguish between benign envy and malicious envy, and while the former has the potential to motivate us, the latter may be a major culprit behind leaving us feeling unworthy, demotivated, and angry. Despite the fact that both these types of envy hurt equally, benign jealousy does not involve harbouring grudges against the person who is the subject of our bitterness. You can really love the new car your friend bought and want something like this for yourself without hating on your friend in the process. Malicious envy, on the other hand, will have you saying, "I can't ever have a car like this, so I'm going to go dent theirs!"

Believe it or not, research shows that jealousy occurs not when you try to measure up to others, but when you do not compare yourself enough. If you see someone playing amazing football, you may want the strength in their legs or their eagle aim, and want it for yourself. However, if you dig deeper, you will find the years of practice they put in, in order to get to this position. It is only when one envies that dedication and strives to emulate that diligence that they are fully able to convert jealousy to motivation.

It is important to know what triggers you if you are to work towards converting your negativity to positivity. What you envy can tell you about what you value the most, even if you do not realise it yet. This self-awareness can really help you turn your feelings around.

A good exercise for the next time you experience jealousy would be by asking the following questions: What is it that they have, that makes me feel less than them? What void can having this achievement/thing for myself, fill? How much do I want what they have and how hard am I willing to work to achieve it?

Being introspective is key but it is equally important to practice gratitude. If one thinks back to what they were, chances are that even if they have not reached the heights they wanted to reach, they have definitely not remained stuck to rock bottom. Your trajectory of growth should make you feel proud of yourself, and you can even consider sharing some of those lesser-known achievements with the world.