I wish we could meet, just one more time: Shamim Ara Nipa’s open letter to Muhammad Jahangir
Prominent cultural activist, journalist, and media personality Muhammad Jahangir breathed his last on this day in 2019, after an uphill battle with cancer for years. He was the executive director of Centre for Development Communication and the coordinator of Nrityanchal, one of Bangladesh’s leading dance companies. Nrityanchal’s journey began in 2000, as a three-way collaborative effort between dancer duo Shibli Mohammad and Shamim Ara Nipa, along with him. On Muhammad Jahangir’s death anniversary, Shamim Ara Nipa writes an open letter to him.
I am to write something about you, for the book to be written on your life. But what can I say? You were the one who decided the subjects of what we write about, and today, I have to write about you, in your absence. I find it impossible to do so. Thus, I write this letter to you.
I never wrote a letter to you before, as I never needed to. Today I write to you, from the same desk in the corner of Nrityanchal, where you used to sit. I keep imagining that at any moment, you will come into the room and ask as usual, "Hi, anything new?" Before I could say anything, you used to stop me and say, "Wait for a moment, let me finish my work first." And then, you used to start writing.
You used to be so immersed in your writing, I've never seen you stop and think while you wrote. Thousands of thoughts used to wander your mind constantly, so you never had to stop and think, you had the natural flow. After you finished the write up, you used to send it to Rana for composing and then ask me how it had been.
We used to be engrossed in so many discussions, so many stories, and so many subjects, right in that small office. These discussions were the most attractive part of Nrityanchal, the place three of us founded together. The days when Shibli was here, each of the stories would continue as novels. How strong the bond we had was! How could you leave us, breaking this bond?
The relationship the three of us had, the journey we had together was forged by incredible strength and compassion. In the journey of nineteen years, we never stumbled, we never lost our way, we held on to each other during every adversity. Our journey only had one destination: Nrityanchal.
We were supposed to walk through it together, how could you leave the two of us in this journey alone? How can we venture into the long road ahead without you now?
The helplessness I feel in your absence, it seems as if my surroundings are engulfing me in a sea of emptiness. I was in the middle of it all. You were always the one who was a bit too serious and Shiblee was the one who was a bit lazy. My stance was a tough spot in the middle, I had the responsibility to bind you two to the same tunes. Maybe I succeeded, and that's why our rhythm never stopped.
The day you left, July 10, our rhythms stopped tuning to the same tunes. That day, it felt like we could never have that rhythm back in our Nrityanchal family again.
I kept asking the Almighty, how He could not let you stay with us just for a little while longer? What was the rush for taking you away so soon?
Can we ever fulfil your dreams, your vision and your wishes? Can we succeed at binding each and every member of Nrityanchal in the bounds of love, the way you used to? Can we fulfill our responsibilities towards them equally? I'm not sure.
However, Nrityanchal is stronger than before. You won't believe how much Shibli has changed. He is very serious at everything he does now. Perhaps, he tries to bury himself in work to not feel the pain of your absence.
Can you see how much your loved ones love you? Can you feel the silent tears your family, friends and your beloved Nrityanchal sheds for you? You had the kindest heart, you used to shed tears any time you encountered something painful. I wonder if so much pain, so many tears that are being shed for you, does it hurt you as well? Do you feel the pain as well?
There are so many things happening, I have so many stories to tell you, so many questions to ask you. But how can I? In which address, should I send this letter to? Kulsum Tower? Nrityanchal office? Or at the Shaheed Buddhijibi Graveyard?
I can't fathom these thoughts, I don't intend to. I realise you are alive in our creations, and our laughter and tears.
Wherever you are, no matter where your address is, you will live forever in our hearts. I pray that even the Almighty will not be so cruel to take away your memory from us.
I don't know what lies in the other side of life, or where we will end up. I cannot help but wonder, what if we had the chance to meet again? I wish we could meet, just one more time. I want to go back to the same Nrityanchal, the laughter, the joy, the journey. Till then, I wait.
Translated by Rasheek Tabassum Mondira