Published on 11:00 PM, April 17, 2023

Satire

Summer lover changes favourite season after air conditioner stops working

Design: Abir Hossain

"It was 40 degrees outside and everyone was complaining about the excruciatingly painful heat waves. But it felt like 18 degrees in my room so I had no idea what they were whining about," said Shadman, "Sure, I had my air conditioner on for 10 hours at a stretch and I'm privileged enough to not have to worry about the electricity bill but that has nothing to do with my love for summer. Just when I was about to post on social media why summer is my favourite season and be the most hated person on the internet because I crave the idea of holding unique opinions to feel superior, my air conditioner stopped working. My worst nightmare was about to come to life – I was about to start sweating. Before a single drop of my sweat could touch the ground, I finally realised that summer wasn't my favourite season anymore."

Shadman Sakib, runners-up of the reality TV show 'The Privileged' on NetFlex, recently realised that there is a world outside the air-conditioned room and car his father pays for, "Previously, every time someone crammed in the local bus or rickshaw complained about the heat in the traffic jam, I just told them to turn the AC on. I'm the kind of person who'd celebrate how magical Dhaka is despite the constant abuse I've faced from the city. Stockholm Syndrome is legally my middle name. I'm the kind of guy who'd spend their entire day in an air-conditioned car, hang out in rich Gulshan cafes and call this abysmal chaotic mess 'Jaadur Shohor' without even acknowledging the existence of South Dhaka. So naturally, I find an attraction to everything that treats me harshly, such as my university, my father, or the summer season in Dhaka."

"After my AC stopped working, I finally had the revelation that not everyone can afford to love the 40-degree Celsius environmental nightmare that is summer in Dhaka," continued Shadman, "Liking summer in Dhaka is like saying you are a big fan of Artcell. It might sound interesting at first but 16 minutes into it, you realise you need to splash water on your face and get your life together."

Meanwhile, commoners are reportedly launching a manhunt to find the summer sympathisers and bring them out to the UV radiation without sunscreens on. However, environmentalists are still hopeful about saving the planet. "The dehydration is so strong that the mighty Aquaman is just 'man' now. This isn't even summer! It's just global warming at its peak. Bangladeshi weather is acting like my cup of tea in the morning, it's either burning hot or excruciatingly cold, with no in-between. How can global warming be someone's favourite season?" asked environmentalist Greta Sunburnt.

"But it's not too late to fix the climate. We can start by planting more trees," said Ms Sunburnt, "Unfortunately, when we asked the authorities to raise consciousness about tree plantation, they cut some trees, raised a billboard and put up a huge promotional banner about tree plantation on it."

Meanwhile, the popular restaurant chain "Six Seasons Restaurant" is reportedly changing its name to "Two Seasons" since six seasons in Bangladesh is now a myth thanks to global warming.

Remind Ifti to be quieter at hasiburrashidifti@gmail.com