BITTERSWEET ENDINGS

We fall in love and we break up. These are two of the most common themes found in nature and in literature. Some of the best pieces of literature, music and cinema involve love and break ups. Personally, while I enjoy good stories of love and passion, I also have an unending appetite for stories that do not have a happy ending. And, I am not talking only about one-sided love or unrequited love. What I have in mind are love stories that don't end with the lovers being together, and one of them feels jilted!

During our high school days, we soon learned about the pain of being jilted. My sensibilities were heightened when a good friend of my family lost a son who committed suicide after learning that his girl-friend was getting married to a much older civil servant. Pretty soon, being jilted or getting a “chhyak”, a slang word in Bangla, became a status symbol for us. I recently Googled "What is the Bengali word for jilt?", and found out there was no equivalent in Bangla. While being jilted is a very common outcome in Bangla poetry, songs, novels, and drama, I found it somewhat curious that while there is no special word for it on the Internet, one of the sites described jilt with an underlying assumption that (a) only women resort to jilting and (b) there is trickery involved. This is quite inexcusable, to say the least. Many of us have enjoyed the story of Amit and Labonyo in Tagore's Shesher Kobita where Labonyo decided to break up their relationship for some very complicated reasons. But one cannot really categorize her motivations as “trickery”.

It is undeniable that the concept of lovers breaking up for either reasons of infidelity, duplicity, or heartlessness always manages to give our hearts a little jolt. I remember even in high school, we'd spend hours listening to sad accounts of our classmates who told us how his Beloved dumped him for another boy or got married to a wealthy suitor. If we turn to literature, the anguish of the betrayed lover for example in Shadharan Meye (Tagore) or in Pandit Moshai (Sarat Chandra Bose) cannot but soften the heart of even an inveterate anti-romantic. More than four hundred years ago, Shakespeare got us all fired up with the immortal lines, “parting is such sweet sorrow” in Romeo and Juliet.

Now if we turn to movies, one of my favorite and heart-rending screenplay portrayed the plights of the ill-fated lovers in Gulzar's movie Ijaazat based on Subodh Ghosh's Bengali novel Jatugriha. In this masterfully rendered love triangle, we can't but shed tears for the male character played by Nasiruddin Shah who eventually loses both the women he loves.

In recent times, we find that star-crossed lovers don't just take leave of each other but stay involved, to use the popular term. For example, in the current Justin Timberlake/Jay-Z top of the chart song Holy Grail, Timberlake bewails:

You take the clothes off my back
And I'd let you
You'd steal the food right out my mouth
And I'd watch you eat it
I still don't know why
Why our love is so much
Oh,
You curse my name
In spite to put me to shame
Air all my laundry in the streets
Dirty or clean
Give it up for fame
But I still don't know why
Why I love it so much

Like Timberlake, I like the concept of eternal love, where love survives the trials and tribulations of being jilted. My hero is Alexei Alexandrovich Karenin, the ill-fated husband of Anna Karenina who keeps on loving her even after he learns that she has betrayed him. Another hero of mine is Ricardo, the narrator in Mario Vargas Llosa's novel Bad Girl, who gets jilted many times over three decades by his childhood sweetheart, Lily.  Upon meeting her as a teenager in Peru, she takes advantage of him as she rotates through various men. But his love overcomes all odds and he eventually gets her. On her death-bed, she finally confesses that she has always loved him. Readers will surely empathize with a jilted lover who fights until the end trying to get his/her lover back.

A variation of this “till death do us apart” motif can be seen in real life too. My diehard romantic friends impressed upon me the concept of forgiveness and “live and let live” mantra. Nowhere is this better exemplified than in the case of my high-school friend Bhanu. For all intents and purposes, Bhanu is what we call a chiro premik or eternal lover. He would fall in love often, with his pretty neighbors, sister's friends, classmates, and casual acquaintances, and then inevitably suffer the consequences of a “chhyak” just as fast. In our First Year in Economics, he took a liking for a classmate named Jasmine and decided to befriend her with his charms. Bhanu was a good singer and would sing many of the romantic songs of Manna Dey in the most melodious and sincere voice in an effort to melt Jasmine's heart. He soon declared that he was in love with Jasmine, and we congratulated him on his achievement since we all found her attractive and smart. Unfortunately for Bhanu, he soon found out that Jasmine had a boyfriend with whom she has been going steady since her college days.  Bhanu was crestfallen and spend days on end with a sad face and lost all interest in life.

“You will soon find someone who is more than a match for Jasmine!” we consoled as he roamed the corridors of the Arts Faculty like a zombie. However, he was not soothed and we were apprehensive that the chhyak had struck him a mortal blow. Then one day, he came to class with a smile and sat on the front bench. He did not even look at Jasmine who was also a front-bencher. We were relieved at Bhanu's change of heart, thinking he had overcome his grief and had decided to move on. But our assumptions about Bhanu's recovery were wrong. He was apparently still in love with Jasmine although he no longer had the symptoms of a broken heart. That made us curious.

“Bhanu, we are glad that you are back to your former self. But, please tell us what happened? Did you meet her secretly and decide to patch things up? You seem so happy; how come?”

Bhanu gave us a broad smile, and in his inimitable way said,

“Well, I came to the conclusion that I need to keep her in my heart rather than wipe her memory clean. She won't be mine during my waking hours, but...” he paused, took a deep breath, and resumed: “…but she can't escape me, and is all mine during my dreams!” Then he sang a beautiful song about his pain of breakup by Manna Dey,

“Tumi onek jotno korey amai dukkhho dite cheyecho, ditey paro nai”

(Translation: You have tried to hurt me in many different ways, but have not been successful.)

From his example, we took in the lesson that jilts don't have to be painful. The memories, the joy of being with your love, whether one-sided or not, even for a short time period, and the eternal hope of reunion can turn even a very bitter ending into a sweet one.  

Tagore sums it well in one of his songs:

Jabar belaye, kichhu morey diyo, diyo gaanero shuretey, tobo ashhash priyo

Bono pothey jobey jabey she khoner, hoyto baa kichu robey shoroner,

Tuli lobo shei tobo, choroner dolito kusum khani”

(Translation: When you leave, please let me keep the memories...

And I will even collect flower petals that lie crushed under your feet

On the path that you travel away.)

Dr Abdullah Shibli lives and works in Boston, USA.