torturous not to be able to share some of the matter that
transpires through the email box. Here's one I received some
time back, author anonymous:
father explaining their foreign policy to his son:
Son : Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
Dad : Because they had weapons of mass destruction, son.
Son : But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.
Dad : That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.
Son : And that's why we invaded Iraq?
Dad : Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.
Son : But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any
weapons of mass destruction, did we?
Dad : That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't
worry, we'll find something, probably right before the 2004
Son : Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
Dad : To use them in a war, silly.
Son : I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they
planned to use in a war, then why didn't they use any of those
weapons when we went to war with them?
Dad : Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they
had those weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather
than defend themselves.
Son : That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they choose
to die if they had all those big weapons to fight us back
Dad : It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make
Son : I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any
of those weapons our government said they did.
Dad : Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they
had those weapons. We had another good reason to invade them
Son : And what was that?
Dad : Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction,
Saddam Hussein was a cruel dictator, which is another good
reason to invade another country.
Son : Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK
to invade his country?
Dad : Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.
Son : Kind of like what they do in China?
Dad : Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic
competitor, where millions of people work for slave wages
in sweatshops to make U.S. corporations richer.
Son : So if a country lets its people be exploited for American
corporate gain, it's a good country, even if that country
Dad : Right.
Son : Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
Dad : For political crimes, mostly, like criticising the government.
People who criticised the government in Iraq were sent to
prison and tortured.
Son : Isn't that exactly what happens in China?
Dad : I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway,
Saddam Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he's
not really a legitimate leader anyway.
Son : What's a military coup?
Dad : That's when a military general takes over the government
of a country by force, instead of holding free elections like
we do in the United States.
Son : Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military
Dad : You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did,
but Pakistan is our friend.
Son : Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?
Dad : I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.
Son : Didn't you just say a military general who comes to
power by forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of
a nation is an illegitimate leader?
Dad : Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend,
because he helped us invade Afghanistan.
Son : Why did we invade Afghanistan?
Dad : Because of what they did to us on September 11th.
Son : What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
Dad : Well, on September 11th, nineteen men, fifteen of them
Saudi Arabians, hijacked four airplanes and flew three of
them into buildings, killing over 3,000 Americans.
Son : So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
Dad : Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the
oppressive rule of the Taliban.
Son : Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped
off people's heads and hands?
Dad : Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they
chop off people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women,
Son : Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million
dollars back in May of 2001?
Dad : Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such
a good job fighting drugs.
Son : Fighting drugs?
Dad : Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people
from growing Opium poppies.
Son : How did they do such a good job?
Dad : Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies,
the Taliban would have their hands and heads cut off.
Son : So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands
for growing flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's
heads and hands off for other reasons?
Dad : Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists
cut off people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel
if they cut off people's hands for stealing bread.
Son : Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in
Dad : That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical
patriarchy that oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas
whenever they were in public, with death by stoning as the
penalty for women who did not comply.
Son : Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?
Dad : No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body
Son : What's the difference?
Dad : The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women
is a modest yet fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's
body except for her eyes and fingers. The burqa, on the other
hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal oppression that covers
all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers.
Son : It sounds like the same thing with a different name.
Dad : Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia.
The Saudis are our friends.
Son : But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September
11th were from Saudi Arabia.
Dad : Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.
Son : Who trained them?
Dad : A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.
Son : Was he from Afghanistan?
Dad : Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad
man, a very bad man.
Son : I seem to recall he was our friend once.
Dad : Only when we helped him and the Mujahadeen repel the
Soviet invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.
Son : Who are the Soviets? Was that the evil Communist empire
Ronald Reagan talked about?
Dad : There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up
in 1990 or thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism
like us. We call them Russians now.
Son : So the Soviets? I mean, the Russians are now our friends?
Dad : Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for
many years after they stopped being Soviets, but then they
decided not to support our invasion of Iraq, so we're mad
at them now. We're also mad at the French and the Germans
because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.
Son : So the French and Germans are evil, too?
Dad : Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to
rename French Fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and
Son : Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't
do what we want them to do?
Dad : No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we
Son : But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?
Dad : Well, yeah, for a while.
Son : Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
Dad : Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which
made him our friend, temporarily.
Son : Why did that make him our friend?
Dad : Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.
Son : Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
Dad : Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the
time, we looked the other way, to show him we were his friend.
Son : So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically
becomes our friend?
Dad : Most of the time, yes.
Son : And anyone who fights against one of our friends is
automatically an enemy?
Dad : Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations
can profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time,
that's all the better.
Son : Why?
Dad : Because war is good for the economy, which means war
is good for America. Also, since God is on America's side,
anyone who opposes war is a Godless un-American Communist.
Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?
Son : I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to,
Dad : Yes.
Son : But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?
Dad : Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush
and tells him what to do.
Son : So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked
Iraq because George W. Bush hears voices in his head?
Dad : Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now
close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep.
Son : Good night, Dad!
(R) thedailystar.net 2004