5 Photographs You Must Take to Become a Professional
Congratulations, you finally received your very first professional camera. You're going to change the field of photography as we know it. You take the lens cap off and take photos of the guy who sold you the camera. Now what? No worries, we have 5 tips for you.
The Needy Black and White: Any photographer worth their salt knows that everyone likes to see the same photos of poor people in monochrome. You may usually find them around intersections looking for alms. So get that camera real close, but don't give them any money, lest they smile. You cannot let those smiles interfere with your artistic vision. Remember, it's not exploitation when it's art. Give them money and then take it away for that extra tinge of anger and disbelief in their eyes. Put that up on Facebook. #OneLikeOnePrayer
The Giant Watermark: Now that you're a professional, and no longer taking photos on your Walton, you need to protect your images. Those damn poachers at NatGeo lurk close on social media to swipe your beautiful photos of your friends on your rooftop. Also, how are you going to let your friends know you're doing serious work if you don't pair the watermark with a Facebook page?
(www.facebook.com/anotherguywithDLSRphotography/) What's that sound? Oh, it's raining likes and comments. Casual.
PRO TIP: Always use Comic Sans for the water mark. Times New Roman is for unprofessional babies. You are a visionary.
Selective Colour: I'm about to share an original idea never been done before. What if you shot a picture of a young woman, make the picture black and white BUT keep the lips red. Also, you know what would be awesome? Hold a red rose in your mouth (the stem, do not eat the flower) and choose to selectively color the rose. Keep everything else black and white. If people say it's a clichéd idea, tell them you can't hear them over the cheers of your emo followers on Instagram. #HatersGonnaHate
Bathroom Mirror Selfie: You know what's cooler than a lonely selfie in the bathroom mirror while your younger brother tells you to get out because he was still on the toilet? The same thing but with a DSLR! In fact, this should be your debut photo. Bonus points for taking off your shirt and flexing your biceps. Two words. Chest hair. Before you know it, Vogue wants you to become a model AND a photographer. #ChaChing
The “Bae caught me sleeping”: Attach your camera to a tripod. If you don't have one, put it on a book. Set a timer of 10 seconds. Put it on one corner of your bed, quickly get on the bed and lie down to pretend you are sleeping. Carefully direct your best angle towards the camera while having your hair perfectly set to accentuate your face. Wear your best clothes. Sarees, suits, and vests are advised, but not all at once.
#JaanCaughtMeSleeping
Even though the above tips may lead to public humiliation and banishment from these lands, I advise you to follow your instincts and shoot what you love. As in photographs, violence is not the answer folks. And remember, starting out with pictures of your lens cap is a perfectly good idea.
Rasim Alam needs a short blurb about himself that's funny, charming, and faintly hints at his misunderstood artistic side. Send him suggestions at [email protected]
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