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     Volume 5 Issue 111 | September 8, 2006 |

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Top Lists!

Things To Say About a Gift You Don't Like

Hey! Now there's a gift!
Well, well, well...
Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit.
This is perfect for wearing around the basement.
Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.
If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!
I love it - but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Programme.
To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.
I really don't deserve this.

Signs That You've Had Too Much Of The 90's or the 2000's

When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a "9" to get an outside line.
When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.
You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person.
Your idea of being organised is multiple coloured post-it notes.
Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
You chat on-line regularly with a stranger from the US, but haven't spoken with your next-door neighbour yet this year.
You e-mail your work colleague at the desk next to you to ask if they're ready to go to lunch.
You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of four.
You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
You try to enter your password on the microwave.

Things Not To Say To Your New Girlfriend's Parents

Can I pull my car in your garage? I'm not sure how long that cop car will stay lost.
There ain't nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative! I bet Sara's will be okay too.
Nice place you got here. That painting looks expensive. I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn't it?
Those home pregnancy kits aren't very reliable in my opinion.
We're going to keep our relationship quiet for now. My wife can be rather vindictive at times.
Can you believe it! Those idiots at the corner market won't cash my welfare check!
Which one of you taught Sara to give such great head?
Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday?
My parole officer thinks Sara has a calming effect on me.


Source: lotofjokes.com


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