Write to Mita
Dear Mita,
I am a 26-year-old girl and I often find it very difficult to take decisions. I wanted to pursue higher studies abroad but it did not happen due to personal reasons. Currently I am doing my masters in Bangladesh. I have always been very serious about studies and I was a merit scholarship holder at college. But I feel like my life is not worthy as I am not getting what I want. I was never in any relationship as I thought there are other things to do but now all my cousins of my age are getting married, and thus there is some pressure on me to get married as well. Please tell me what would be the right choice for me – to complete my education or to get married and settled down?
Messed Up
Dear Messed Up,
First, I don't know why you are calling yourself messed up. It is always a dilemma for women of a certain age in our society to decide whether she should pursue her studies or get married. She is faced with all kinds of pressure because tradition and culture has determined the right age for marriage. There is still doubt about women pursuing a career because that contradicts the norm of getting married and settling down. However, one does not have to be at the expense of the other. You can pursue your studies and also plan to get married at some stage. The most important thing is to get married to the right person and not at the right age. There is plenty of time, complete your education and think seriously what kind of person will be suitable for you. I assure you the right person will come by sooner than later.
Dear Mita,
I am an old man in search of a companion. I've tried to be friends with girls during my student life but I could never overcome my shyness around them. I see my friends with their wives and it upsets me that I don't have a special someone in my life. I don't understand how I can overcome my problem and befriend a woman who over time might consent to be my life partner.
Unfortunate
Dear Unfortunate,
You are right; society has bound us in very compartmentalized relationships and anything outside is not acceptable. I don't know how old you are, but perhaps you did not get married when you were younger and now as per the norm of the society, either you have to get married or stay alone. You could ask your friends to introduce you to appropriate women close to your age. Remember there are many single women who are looking for a companion; the trick is to get the right match. Try to get over your shyness and approach women who you know might be interested in a frank, respectful and open manner. Best of luck.
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