12:00 AM, June 13, 2014 / LAST MODIFIED: 01:53 AM, March 08, 2015

Vuvuzela to Upazila

Vuvuzela to Upazila

Naveed Mahbub

ALL teams are in Brazil, ready to hunt, skin, mince, salt, grill, and chew and swallow their opponents. In reality, some teams are bound to end up being mere tourists in Rio. Nevertheless, it is still the cup of the cups, though all teams say, “Just one would make me happy.”
Under the Trades Description Act of UK, technically the World Cup is not really a cup. But who cares? It is the biggest sporting event, to be overshadowed only by an unplanned solar eclipse.
One out of seven people on this planet are watching. The rest must be aliens…
For the earthlings, each has a voucher for a ninety minute spa treatment, with a fifteen minute break in between. This voucher is valid for a whole month. And if any game goes into extra time, that's icing on the cake. We now have no excuses to grumble during an extended religious sermon. South Africa taught the drill sergeant that he can use the vuvuzela instead of the bugle to get all the fresh cadets to stand in formation sharp at 4am. This time, it is the Samba that gets us all paying attention at the same hour.
As some educational institutions here prepare to go on sine die engineered by diehard fans, two fans are electrocuted in separate incidents while hoisting the Argentinean flag. Raising this flag is indeed hazardous, whether it be in Bangladesh or in the Falklands. With so many Argentinean flags fluttering all over the country, I hope there is no Royal Navy flotilla heading towards the Bay of Bengal…
And et tu Brazil? Yes. All are confused – which one is actually the Brazilian Ambassador's residence? One thing is for sure, we now have countless Argentinean and Brazilian Honorary Consuls in the country.  
Flags galore. More Brazil and Argentina flags than the green and red ones from four consecutive December 16s combined. At least some are making lots of money by selling lots of merchandise. Hey, how about we tax these flags instead of cell phones? Hurry, because there are no refunds on the flags if your team loses. South Africa saw the omnipresent vuvuzela. Bangladesh sees the omnipresent flags all the way to the upazilas. Flat screens are everywhere, too, though I hope none in hospital surgery theaters.
The fun is in that 'A' is always a rival of 'B'. It's Argentina and Brazil, just like AL and BNP, Ananta Jalil and Brad Pitt, while (sometimes) Amma and Baba. The one exception – Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, as they seem to get along just fine.  So, no Brangelina in the world of football? Yes, indeed. As Bangladeshis literally fight over their arch rivals, Argentina and Brazil speak out in rare unison, “Who?”
TV channels around the world have geared up for live broadcasts. Not sure what US TV networks will do. They might find the game 'too slow' to broadcast and instead, show golf or even curling. Will there be any brawl charts? Sure! If no English hooligans are arrested, then shame on the English.  So, let's all enjoy the Samba and forget about Qatar 2022. For the latter, who knows, more petro dollars may clear up the smoke as all eyes are on Brazil…
For now, bon-a-football!

The writer is an engineer & CEO turned comedian (by choice), the host of NTV's The Naveed Mahbub Show and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club.


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