• Monday, September 01, 2014

HUMOROUSLY YOURS

STRIP MAUL

Naveed Mahbub

WAR. Flip TV channel. Another war. Flip channel again -- yet another war. Then the realisation -- it's the same war.
The first is CNN, “LIVE from Gaza”. We would rather that it be “FAIR from Gaza”.
The second one is Al Jazeera, whose gore the West has no appetite for, unless it's on CSI.
The third is the History Channel on the 2009 Gaza conflict, which is not discernible from the current one. The press can save money by filing the clips of today five years from now and nobody will doubt the freshness of the news.
Good luck Palestine. There is a better chance of the Apaches (not the choppers) getting back Wyoming. That's because Israeli tanks see the road sign, 'GAZA: 2 miles', while fleeing Palestinians see the road sign 'UTOPIA: 200,000 miles'. And if the tanks do roll in, they will be met with stones made of the Palestinian homeland.
Hey, it's the roadmap to peace. It simply goes through Gaza and the West Bank.  
Aerial bombardments galore from both sides. One side seems to be better at it. Thank goodness there are prior warnings. For Israelis, it's a mobile app. For Palestinians, a small mortar explosion, i.e., a bomb before bombs. If they are really after Hamas, then why the pre-warnings? Oh I'm sure Hamas would stay put.  
Gaza residents also get calls by Israel to evacuate. Three minutes to run like hell. Run to where? Egypt and Israel have both sealed off their borders with Gaza. Swim the 'safe waters'? Remember the Gaza Flotilla incident?
There is outcry -- on the asymmetric nature of the conflict, which by no means is a Jewish-Muslim issue. Condemning Israel is not being anti-Semitic just as supporting Gaza is not being pro-Hamas. Remember George W Bush saying after his re-election: “I am gravely concerned that Hamas has won the Palestinian elections. However, democratic elections sometimes produce unwanted results.” Both US and Palestinian voters have since braced the consequences of their electoral choices.
In 2009 the then Israeli Defense Minister Ehud Barak drew the analogy: “What would happen if for seven years rockets had been fired at San Diego, California from Tijuana, Mexico?”
Randall Kuhn, Assistant Professor, University of Denver Josef Korbel School of International Studies writes on the Washington Times: “Yes, the US would fire back”.
He then adds this scenario:
San Diego forcibly relocates most of its population to Tijuana and moves white people into their former homes, razes their homes, plants forests on their former towns, creates nature preserves for whites to enjoy. The UN keeps San Diego's discarded minorities in Tijuana. The US then invades Mexico, occupies Tijuana and builds housing developments in Tijuana for whites only. The US builds a network of highways connecting the US citizens of Tijuana to the US. There are checkpoints between Mexico, US and around every neighborhood of Tijuana. Every Tijuana resident is required to show an ID card to the US military on demand. After 40 years of military occupation, USA leaves Tijuana and removes all the white settlers and the soldiers, builds a 20 foot electrified wall around Tijuana with 50-foot high watchtowers with machine guns. Four out of every five days the border crossings are closed. They patrol their air space with fighter jets but don't allow Tijuana so much as a crop duster. They patrol their waters with warships but don't allow them to fish. The majority in Tijuana never picks up a weapon but supports against all hope for negotiations toward a peaceful solution for two independent states living side by side as neighbors.
He then asks if we would be surprised that resistance groups in Tijuana, even after having been 'freed' from their occupation but are starved half to death, keep on firing rockets at the United States.
Sigh. Two wrongs don't make it right. So, we wait, wait and wait. No, not for the UN. When it comes to Gaza, the UN sees no evil, hears no evil, speaks no evil.
But you can email them with queries: NetUN@Yahoo.com.
 

The writer is an engineer & CEO turned comedian (by choice), the host of NTV's The Naveed Mahbub Show and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club.
E-mail: naveed@naveedmahbub.com

Published: 12:00 am Friday, July 18, 2014

TAGS: Israel Palestine Gaza

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