Why Hogwarts Would Never Have Worked In Bangladesh
Just like any other day as I was stuck in the Moghbazar traffic cursing that careless owl who forgot to drop off my Hogwarts acceptance letter leaving me with the never-ending misery of this Muggle life. Since the traffic didn't have the faintest chance of clearing any time soon I decided to take a look at the practicality of having Hogwarts in Bangladesh. To my utter disappointment I realised it simply would not have worked. Let me explain why:
ADMISSION PROCESS
Like the gladiator pits of the past, a popular form of entertainment in our country is pitting thousands of children in a fight for admission. And for a prestigious institute like Hogwarts there is no way the doors would have been open for every magical child in the country. You would only be able to get in if you can somehow surpass quintillion other people in a written exam that requires you to know the very things you are supposed to study after you get in. And if God forbid you somehow fail to earn that Holy Grail of admission be prepared to hear from your family about how you are a complete disappointment and how your dad's colleague's son is a Gryffindor.
Also don't get me started on how obnoxious the admission coaching centres would have been if Hogwarts was their selling point.
PRIVATE TUITION
Look, I want to believe that the Bangladeshi Severus Snape, Shorporaj Babu will give his 100 percent in the Potions class, but speaking from experience I know that he'll barely finish half of Advanced Potion Making in class and then give you subtle hints that to unlock the full version of this course you should just sign up for his private coaching classes in Hogsmeade. You would also notice how much extra attention Shorporaj Babu gives to the bunch that goes to his special classes.
POLITICS BETWEEN THE HOUSES
The squabble between the houses would have taken a whole new nasty dimension if Hogwarts was in Bangladesh. News of casualty due to the use of Unforgivable Curses among rival houses would have been a regular thing. Also expect Hogwarts to be shut down for months due to unrest between the houses. Graduation in 7 years? Make that 10 for good measure. Fight against the Dark Lord would look like child's play compared to the civil war the houses will wage.
MEDDLING GUARDIANS
Lucius Malfoy might be a devious braggadocious ex-Death Eater, but he still has nothing over Bangladeshi guardians. What's that? The house ghost made fun of my kid? Time to sue the last bit of life out of him. Quidditch? You mean that travesty of a game where kids lunge at each other from a dangerous height? No worries. A good old lawsuit will put a stop to that barbaric practice. Pretty much anything that's not there to increase your O.W.L or N.E.W.T score will be as good as gone.
REAL ESTATE TAKEOVER OF THE HOGWARTS GROUNDS
You didn't think Hogwarts would have been allowed that much space in Bangladesh did you? They would have made a 15-storied double apartment complex on the Great Lake before you could learn how to use Wingardium Leviosa. Forbidden Forest? Oh, I'm sorry you must have meant Hogwarts Shopping Complex. It's beside the CP store, should be easy to find.
There you have it, the actual reason why we're not studying for our N.E.W.T's now. So while we're stuck in this Muggle world, might as well pretend the rickshaw we are riding is a Nimbus 2000.
Nurani Iftekhar is your local stray cat in disguise; she interacts with people for food and hates bright light. She got Hufflepuff 3 times straight in Pottermore so no walking around that one. Send her obscure memes at [email protected]
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