THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE
ARIES
Slather mud on your head for natural brown hair.
TAURUS
Try to find your centre. Hint: it's around the belly button.
GEMINI
C'mon, say your first words already. Don't be a baby.
CENCER
Shave a monkey and take it to a party to pass as your date.
LEO
You will reform your opinion on spoons after using one.
VIRGO
Protest for your Libyan's right to time travel by libelling.
LIBRA
You will fail to pay the ransom for your beard. My condolences.
SCORPIO
Your hair is oily enough to be frictionless. Use this wisely.
SAGITTARIUS
Washers exist solely to do your dirty work for you.
CAPRICON
Don't work your hands too hard. They have feelings too.
AQUARIUS
Your chest hair is past its expiration date. Time to shed it.
PISCES
If you keep missing sleep, you'll keep randomly blacking out.
Comments