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    Volume 9 Issue 21| May 21, 2010|

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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am 32, single and I suffer from inferiority complex regarding my looks. I have this problem of falling for every single man once they become my close friend. In the process, I end up losing them, as their definition of friendship remains fixed while mine moves into the arena of love. Back in my 20s, I used to think that once I grow older I will get over this disease of falling in love. But now I know it won't happen, and I don't see any chance of future recovery. Every time I get dumped by my male friends, my heart breaks and the feeling is obviously not pleasant. On top of that, there's the pain of losing a good friend. Could you suggest any remedy for this “falling in love with close male friends” disease? I would be ever so grateful.
Silly Woman

Dear Woman,
You need to develop your self-esteem, remember, others cannot love you if you don't love yourself first. Regarding your looks, you have to accept it and then make improvements on various aspects such as your figure, hair, skin etc. Finally about falling in love, this also has to do with your self esteem. Concentrate on doing something for a year that will make you and others proud of you. It could be excelling academically or professional work, hobby, music, anything. You have to try actively to build your self-confidence. Next time before you fall in love, think if this person is worth you, whether he fits the image of the kind of person you want to be with. Most of the time, it does not turn out so, then it is not worth it and you can dump him instead.

Dear Mita,
I am a simple good-natured boy, who is friendly with everyone. Recently all my friends have gotten involved with girls and spend much of their time with their girlfriends. I have always been shy around the opposite sex but I really want a girlfriend of my own too. Please tell me what I should do.

Dear Single,
I don't think there is a formula to find a girlfriend. You should start to mix with members of the opposite sex and become friends with a number of them. There are many shy girls who would like to be friends with a shy boy. Friendships often evolve into serious relationships and when that happens you will surely know.

Dear Mita,
I have a very good friend to whom I confide every detail of my life. However, recently I have come to realise that she has changed. She often avoids me unless she needs something, and when we are with other friends, she tends to put me down a lot and make fun of me. I tried to tell myself it's harmless and she's just joking but sometimes I am amazed at her when she brings up things I told her in complete secrecy. She also talks about me behind my back to other friends spreading vicious rumours about me. I am beginning to think she does not want anything good for me and wants me to be unhappy. I just don't understand this. She has everything and leads a very happy life. Why would she want to ruin mine?

Dear Hurt,
From what you have written, this good friend is no longer a good friend. For some reason she has changed and you will have to accept it. Perhaps there is something going on in her life or she is envious of you for some reason. If she is divulging things you told her in secrecy then you should confront her and tell her you know what she is doing. If she is no longer interested in being your friend so be it. You should not give her so much importance any more. I am sure you have other friends, just dump this one.


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