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     Volume 5 Issue 99 | June 16, 2006 |

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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am 21 years old and an Honours student. I am facing a very queer problem. I love a girl of 18. We got acquainted with each other at a library. She did not reveal to me at that time that she had a twin sister. We went out almost every week. After a couple of months she told me that she was determined about our relationship. She also gave me shocking news that in our last date it was actually her twin sister sitting there instead of her. I forgave her for that. But the problem is that her sister phoned me and told me that she loves me too. The girl I love seems to be playing with me. I told her about her sister's weakness for me. Neither of them seems to consider each others feelings. They both love me and want to have me. Our parents agreed on our relationship but I cannot tell them this strange problem. I am confused about what to do? Please help me.

Dear Confused,
This is no doubt a queer and unique problem The twin sisters are behaving in a very childish and immature manner. You should have a direct talk with them separately and if possible with both of them together. You have to think seriously if this is the right choice for you. You must also reveal to your fiance about her sisters actions. You cannot take this relationship to any serious level under the present situation.

Dear Mita,
I am 17 years old and studying for my A-levels. My exams are coming up next year but I can't seem to concentrate on my studies. I don't think about something specific. It's just that whenever I sit down to study I start daydreaming about my life and how it could be exciting in all different ways. Sometimes I just fall asleep on my book. I don't go out with guys or even hang out with any of my friends. It's just that I can't seem to bring myself down to study seriously. Is there any formula to concentrate or do you think I'm just cursed to be a failure?

Dear TIO,
No, there is no formula to concentration. It is just a matter of hard work and determination. Most students suffer from lack of concentration, daydreaming etc. This is not unusual at all. Many fall asleep on their books. However, you have to decide that you will study for a certain number of hours. Take 10- 15 min break after every hour you study. Take the help of a friend and read out your text. Try writing when you feel sleepy or when your mind wanders. As I said, this is a normal process of learning how to manage time and will work out eventually.

Dear Mita,
I am 19 years old studying engineering. Since my childhood, I have not been able to make friends with any girls. When I was in college all of my male friends told me that I would never manage to have such friendship. So I took it upon myself as a challenge. I'm not a very ugly person neither do I have poor academic results. It's a matter of great shame that girls of my classes tease me frequently and my friends find it extremely funny. No one seems to take sympathy on me. Moreover I feel very shy when I need to face girls. Could you please help me overcome this problem and tell me how I can gain a true female friend in my boring life?

Dear M,
First of all, build up your self confidence. Tell yourself repeatedly that you can make friends, with boys as well as girls. Try to analyse the reasons why girls are not coming forward to form friendships with you. Perhaps there is something in your behaviour which is putting them off. Try to portray a more positive self image such as good academic results, social work, extra curricular activities, etc. As you get more involved your shyness will also be lessened and you will be able to mix with girls freely.
Do not treat this as a major problem, it is only a part of growing up.


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