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     Volume 4 Issue 49 | June 3, 2005 |

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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I'm a first year Honours student at a renowned university. A man three years my senior has been in love with me for seven years. He has been after me for a long time and has greatly irritated me and my parents. But last month, I realised that he really loves me a lot and that he will not stop disturbing me or go on with his own life unless he gets me. So I accepted his proposal. But he is not very well-educated and my parents won't accept him. How can I manage my family as well as stop someone's life from being ruined?

Dear Distressed,
Life is too precious and important to let it be controlled by anyone else's emotions. Sure he loves you, but do you love him? Does he make you happy or excited? If the answer is no then you should not settle for this relationship. It never works in the end. You will always be making excuses for him and not be able to do the things that you want. You must disengage from this relationship as soon and as gently as possible. Do not worry about spoiling his life, few people go crazy over a broken heart. He will someday recover from it.

Dear Mita,
I am a 24-year-old woman doing my Masters in a private college. I like a man who is a high official of a multinational company. I have known him for three years but we became very intimate from the middle of last year. However, that intimacy has disappeared due to some mistakes on my part. He had some feelings for me which I could not understand. I did not give him as much priority as he deserved. Now I have realised my fault but too late. He has again started to neglect me. But I want him in my life. What can I do?

Dear RR,
The only way this may be resolved is a frank and open discussion between you two. You must find out if he still cares and wants to continue this relationship. You should not accept being neglected and therefore must talk to him about it. Perhaps he is also going through some trauma or confusion and needs to communicate with someone. Relationships do go through ups and downs but if there is a firm basis then many of the problems can be resolved. Perhaps you have made a mistake but certainly have not committed any crime..

Dear Mita,
I'm a 20-year-old man. I passed my HSC exams last year. I always wanted to go to a good university like Dhaka University or Jahangirnagar University and finally, after three tries and a lot of hard work, got into the latter in English. But I'm not serious about my studies. My other problem is that I'm an introvert and don't like talking to people. My ego gets in the way and I think that they should talk to me first or that people may get irritated if I try and talk to them. In university, I have to mix with many men and women I don't know and now, though I used to be confident, I'm not anymore. What should I do?

Dear S,
You seem like a determined person and there should not be any reason for lack of confidence. The university is a different place from what you are used to therefore some of your problems are natural. However, you must be serious about your studies especially having come so far to fulfil you ambitions. Mixing with different kinds of people, interacting with them over studies or over tea is a part of university life which you should not miss. Just tell yourself that you are as good as others and go ahead and make friends. The rewards are great as you will soon find out.

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