::: Star Weekend Magazine :::

Jokes

Something to Think About

Food for thought . . .

*Can you cry under water?
*How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
*If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
*Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
*Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
*Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
*Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
*How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
*Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
*Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?
*Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
*How come we choose from just two people for President and over 80 for Miss World?
*Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
*If an emergency operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said: "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will."
"That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change..."

A husband and wife stepped up to view the body of his mother-in-law. As he began to cry, his wife punched him and said: "Why are you crying, you never liked my mother anyway."
"I know," he replied. "I thought I saw her move!".

An English professor wrote the words, "woman without her man is a savage" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is a savage."
The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is a savage."

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps headfirst into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well, Doc, I can't swim!"

Source: Jokes2go.com, Funnyjoke.net