Home  -  Back Issues  -  The Team  -  Contact Us
     Volume 4 Issue 21 | November 12, 2004 |

   Cover Story
   News Notes
   A Roman Column
   Straight Talk
   Photo Feature
   Time Out
   Slice of Life
   Book Review
   Dhaka Diary
   New Flicks
   Write to Mita

   SWM Home



Tracing the Steps of Humanity

As Time Goes By - A Brief History Lesson...

3050 B.C. : A Sumerian invents the wheel. Within the week, the idea is stolen and duplicated by other Sumerians, thereby establishing the business ethic for all times.

525 B.C. : The first Olympics are held, and prove similar to the modern games, except that the Russians don't try to enter a six-footer with a moustache in the women's shot put.

214 B.C. : Tens of thousands of Chinese labour for a generation build the 1,500 mile long Great Wall of China. And after all that, it still doesn't keep the neighbour's dog out.

1 B.C. : Calendar manufacturers find themselves in total disagreement over what to call next year.

432 : St. Patrick introduces Christianity to Ireland, thereby giving the natives something interesting to fight about for the rest of their recorded history.

1297 : The world's first stock exchange opens but no one has the foresight to buy IBM or Xerox.

1456 : An English judge reviews Joan of Arc's case and cancels her death sentence. Unfortunately for her, she was put to death in 1431.

1607 : The Indians laugh themselves silly as the first European tourist to visit Virginia tries to register as "John Smith".

1755 : Samuel Johnson issues the first English Dictionary, at last providing young children with a book they can look up dirty words in.

1770 : The shooting of three people in the Boston Massacre touches off the Revolution. 200 Years later, three shootings in Boston will be considered just about average for a Saturday Night.

1805 : Robert Fulton invents the torpedo.

1807 : Robert Fulton invents the steamship so he has something to blow up with his torpedo.

1912 : People with Reservations for the voyage of the Titanic get their money back.

"I love to sleep. It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious."

Questions to Mankind:
*Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
*Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
*If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
*Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
*What do you call male ballerinas?
*If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
*Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
*Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
*Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you but when you take him on a car ride, he can't wait to stick his head out the window into the wind?
*Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?


Copyright (R) thedailystar.net 2004