<%-- Page Title--%> Write to Mita <%-- End Page Title--%>

<%-- Volume Number --%> Vol 1 Num 124 <%-- End Volume Number --%>

September 26, 2003

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Dear Mita,
I'm 27 and working for a software development firm. I tutor a boy whose family I have come to know well and for whose elder sister I have grown a weakness. I told her about it but she did not respond for a long time. Later, I went to her university (she's in her 5th semester, Economics) and told her I wanted to marry her. She told me that it would depend on her parents and that if I propose to her they might think we already have a relationship which they would not like. The problem is, her surname is Chowdhury and I don't have any such renowned name or connections though I have inherited a lot of property from my father. Her father is a government employee. What if my proposal is rejected because of this? Should I continue to tutor her brother or stop? Should I send a proposal to her family? Please help.

Dear P,
You should at least get some commitment from the girl before proposing. She does not seem very interested in the relationship. Regarding the name of Chowdhury, I do not see how that matters. If you are established enough and able to support a family and if the girl is willing, then I do not see any problem. If this is going to be an arranged marriage then you should seek the help of your family. It will be proper if they propose rather than you.

Dear Mita,
I am a 24-year-old student of CU. A year ago, I was travelling by train from Dhaka to Chittagong. I was seated next to a girl from the English Department at JU. We talked about many things, including love. We started a relationship which has continued and we have become very intimate now. She wants me to marry her but I can't do that before finishing my studies. She's crazy about me and says that if I don't marry her she will commit suicide. What should I do now?

Dear Pessimist,
I find it very difficult to believe that she is not willing to wait until you get your basic degree. You must try to convince her that completing basic education for both of you is important for your future. You should not think of marriage before you are both prepared to take responsibility and are independent. She is immature and somebody should talk to her. Regarding suicide, well, this is just a threat and should not be taken too seriously.

Dear Mita,
I am an Honours final year student in love with a girl in Class 10. The girl's family knows about our affair. But they are about to leave Chittagong (where I live) as her father has been transferred to Dhaka. The girl I like has to move with her parents. What should I do in the days to come?
--Wretched Man

Dear Wretched Man,
Well, if you have an affair with a girl of Class 10 then this is what you will get. She will certainly have to move to wherever her parents are going as she is not mature or old enough to stay back all by herself. I have often advised young men to refrain from having relationships with such young girls. This relationship cannot be very satisfying as there is a vast difference in maturity and understanding. However, this is your decision and I do not think I can help you


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