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Jokes

At The Work Places

Reasons to stay at work all night...
1. Act out your version of a company takeover.
2. Find a way to change everyone's password to ?chrysanthemum?.
3. Around 3:20am, play connect-the-dots with lights still on in other office buildings. Keep going until you see a small woodland creature.
4. Sneaking in the boss's desk could land you an unexpected promotion.
5. Draw stick people in all the landscape pictures on the walls, and in the morning, be the first to point out ?what a terrible thing that someone did this to such beautiful works of art?.
6. Go into the other gender's bathroom without fear of being caught.
7. Run up and down the hallways screaming, hoping security will come so you can have someone to talk to.
8. Leave prank messages on the CEO's voice mail, using someone else's extension of course.
9. Finally, a chance to live out a dream and pretend to be your boss.
10. Elevator surfing, yeee haaa!

Job Descriptions
1. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
2. An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
3. A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
4. An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
5. A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
6. A mathematician is like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there.
7. A topologist is someone who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and doughnut.
8. A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a "brief."
9. A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
10. A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
11. A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
12. A committee is a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

Here are some incredibly useful phrases you can use when in the workplace...
1. If you don't know what it is, call it an 'issue'…
2. If you don't know how it works, call it a 'process'…
3. If you don't know whether it's worth doing, call it an 'option'…
4. If you don't know how it could possibly be done call it a 'challenge' or an 'exciting opportunity'…
5. If you want to confuse people, ask them about 'customers'…
6. If you don't know how to do something, 'empower' someone else to do it for you…
7. If you can't take decisions, 'create space' for others to operate…
8. If you need a decision, call a 'workshop' to 'network' and 'ground the issue', followed by an 'awayday' to 'position the elephant in the room' and achieve 'buy-in'…
9. Never criticise or boast, call it 'information sharing'…
10. Never call something a failure or mistake, its a 'positive learning experience'…
11. Never argue, have an 'adult conversation'…

Source: lotofjokes.com