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     Volume 4 Issue 67 | October 14, 2005 |

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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
Being a freshman of a top private university in Bangladesh, I have ambitious goals for my career. However, I'm starting to notice that my parents indirectly remind me that I have to put up with their laxness because I don't earn for myself yet. I'm a good student, I learn French and I work out regularly. It's tough for me to do all this together. However, no matter how hard I try, my 19th century parents are increasingly becoming a source of absolute disgust by not letting me take some of my decisions myself. As a 20-year-old adult, I believe I have the constitutional right to take my decisions myself. I have a plan of settling abroad with my French girlfriend (which has no relation with my problems with my parents). However, my parents don't fancy the idea and still expect me to abide by outdated and impractical rules. I find myself under mental pressure when I take my family problems into consideration along with the pressure of my studies and so on. Should I try to satisfy their absard demands of being a "good boy" in their eyes or should I be more practical and try to build my career, and be a good boy in my own way? It's probably not possible for me to live in a separate place either because the culture of Bangladesh is that I have to live with my parents till I'm 30.

Dear Battered,
I think you are being too harsh on your parents. It is a bitter pill to swallow but the fact is that you do not earn and depend on your parents for everything. You have every right to have ambitions and to fulfil them also. However, to do that you have to cross this stage of life when you are studying and planning for your future. Once you become financially independent all this will not matter. However, please remember, parents are not the enemy you are making them out to be. They want the best for you. You might not agree with their idea of what is best but nonetheless you have to show them some respect.

Dear Mita,
I have sat for the same exams three times and failed. I told my relatives that I passed and was promoted but I actually was not. My exams are coming up again and I'm trying to prepare but I can't concentrate. Please help.
Unable to Pass

Dear Unable,
There is no formula for passing in exams except hard work. If you are determined then you will surely pass. Not being able to pass for three years is a great setback. However, deciding to sit for the exams again shows that you are not giving up and want to continue to study. I am confident that you will pass this time. Keep on studying and concentration will eventually come.

Dear Mita,
I have two problems. One is, I can't speak fluently in either Bangla or English. I stammer. The second problem is that I memorise everything and can't think analytically. Whether due to the education system or my own bad habit, I simply learn everything by heart without being able to think deeply about anything. What can I do to get rid of these problems?

Dear SUA,
It is a problem with our education system where memorising is encouraged instead of critical thinking. You should spend time reading something and understanding it rather than memorising it and then try to write down what you have understood. This will take time but eventually you will learn to think. Regarding stammering, you could try reading aloud as much as possible.

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