::: Star Weekend Magazine :::

Jokes

Accident-Prone

Three Vampires

Once upon a time, three vampires met in some place in night. Apparently, each one of them was boasting about their vampiric abilities to one another.
Vampire A said, "Look at that mansion over there! I can finish all of its inhabitants within 10 minutes!"
And so he flew to the mansion, and 9 minutes later, he came back with his mouth filled with blood, looking satisfied with himself.
Vampire B then said, "Bah! Look at that village over there! Give me 5 minutes!"
He flew to the village, returned at the next 5 minutes, with his mouth filled with dripping red blood.
Vampire C then yelled, "Pffft! Look at the TOWN over there! Give me 3 minutes!"
He flew to the direction of the town, and one minute later, he returned with his mouth filled with blood.
Vampire A and B stared at him with amazement, then immediately asked, "How come you have such speed, friend?"
Vampire C pointed at a direction, then asked them, "Do you see a building over there?"
"Yes!" answered A and B.
"Well I DIDN'T!!!"

Bad News

A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination. "I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and you don't have much time," the doctor says. "Oh no, that's terrible. How long have I got?", the man asks.
"10..." says the doctor.
"10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!" he asks desperately.
"10...9...8...7..."

Brave Hunters

Two hunters were off on their annual trip to the Canadian wilderness to bag a moose. As the seaplane landed on a lake in a remote area, the pilot said, "I'll be back in one week to pick you up. But only one moose, please."
When he returned to the lake, he found the hunters proudly standing beside two moose.
"I told you guys only one moose!" the furious flier screamed. "There's no way the plane can take off with that much weight!"
"You're just a chicken pilot," one hunter said. "We killed two moose last year and that pilot wasn't afraid to take off."
Stung by the suggestion of cowardice, he reconsidered. "All right, if you did it last year, I guess we can try it."
They loaded up and the pilot taxied to the far end of the lake to begin his take-off. The plane bounced across the water as it strained to get airborne, but the overloaded aircraft finally ran out of space and crashed into the trees. Some time later, the hunters regained consciousness.
"Where are we?" one asked.
His friend looked around at the scattered debris, then back at the edge of the lake and replied, "Oh, I guess about a hundred yards farther than last year."