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         Volume 11 |Issue 35| September 07, 2012 |


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Write to Mita

Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I have been best friends with a girl since my childhood days. We grew up together and went to the same schools. Lately, I have discovered that she and I don't have much in common anymore. She has always been competitive with me and the more I ignore it the worse she gets. She compares herself with me all the time in terms of the jobs we have, boyfriends, clothes, other friends, weight, piercing, you name it. Whenever I confront her she acts like nothing's wrong. I'm getting tired of this and am finding it hard to remain her friend. What should I do?

Dear Friend,
This happens a lot so don't be upset about it. Childhood friendships don't always last. As we grow our values, likes, dislikes changes. We do try to hold on to childhood relationships on the basis of shared memories and association; however this does not work often. You are bold enough to confront and address this issue. You might want to have a frank talk and tell her that this is not working. Tell her that you may have a civil relationship but anything deeper is not possible. It is time you both went your own ways with new friends and relationships.

Dear Mita,
I have developed feelings for a guy who is in a serious relationship with another woman. I have known this as long as I have known him and tried not to make my feelings known. I thought my feelings were one sided but recently we ended up getting quite close to being physically intimate, but he stopped himself before things got out of hand. His girlfriend lives in a different country and he might just be physically attracted to me, but I can't help but wonder if he has any feelings for me at all. He's acting like nothing happened between us and is being perfectly friendly, but I want to know what it meant to him. I also don't want to ruin my friendship with him by bringing it up. What should I do?

Dear Confoozled,
You might find this hard to accept but I don't believe he is seriously interested in you. It was a momentary thing and you should treat it that way. I don't think there is any future in this relationship for you and the sooner you acknowledge this the better. If he had deeper feelings for you then he would have made some effort to let you know. Since he is acting as if nothing happened then you should take the hint and not take this any further. It is not necessary to act on all emotions, some are just meant to remain within, as a nice warm feeling that will slowly diminish with time.

Dear Mita,
I have a unique problem. I recently got engaged and my fiancée gave me a gorgeous diamond solitaire. I fell in love with it at first sight. However, people around me started telling me to be careful with it, not to wear it all the time, not to get water on it, not to drop it/scratch it etc. I have never owned a solitaire before and I have no idea how to take care of it so all these instructions made me paranoid. I hardly ever wear my ring now although my fiancée expects me to wear it all the time. When I am wearing it, I am always stressed out about bumping it into something or scratching it. When I take it off to wash my hands, (which is quite often) I worry about losing it. When I am out on the streets I worry about getting robbed. I think I'm driving myself crazy. I dropped my ring last week and stared at it for an hour after to see if it was scratched and then I cried from relief when I couldn't find anything wrong with it. Please tell me how I can stop obsessing about it.

Dear Paranoid,
First, tell yourself, the ring is for you, you are not for the ring. Second ignore what people say and get along with your life. You have a wonderful future to look forward to. When love and marriage is in the air, don't waste your time thinking and getting distracted over a ring! However expensive it might be. The ring symbolises his love for you, but it is certainly not the only symbol of his love. The trust and respect you share is much more important, the time you spend together is important, the future you plan to build together is important. The ring is nothing compared to these. So get your priorities right and put the ring where it belongs, on you ring finger and then forget about it.


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