::: Star Weekend Magazine :::

Jokes

Things to Ponder

You know you're a graduate student when…
...you can analyse the significance of appliances you cannot operate.
...your carrel is better decorated than your apartment.
...you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet.
...you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.
...you have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar.
...you rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop.
...everything reminds you of something in your discipline.
...you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.
...you have ever spent more than 5000 taka on photocopying while researching a single paper.
...there is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider "yours."
...you actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche.
...you can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library.
...you look forward to summers because you're more productive without the distraction of classes.
...you regard ibuprofen as a vitamin.
...you consider all papers to be works in progress.
...professors don't really care when you turn in work anymore.
...you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text.
...you have given up trying to keep your books organised and are now just trying to keep them all in the same general area.
...you have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.
... you reflexively start analysing those Greek letters before you realise that it's a sorority sweatshirt, not an equation.
...you find yourself explaining to children that you are in "20th grade".
...you start referring to stories like "Snow White et al."
...you frequently wonder how long you can live on pasta without getting scurvy.
...you look forward to taking some time off to do laundry
...you have more photocopy cards than credit cards
...you wonder if APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as "personal communication".

http://jokes.empstudios.com/

Deep thoughts
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Why do they sterilise the needles for lethal injections?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

http://www.jokesandhumor.com/jokes/149.html