Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I used to tutor a HSC student. Being a good teacher with a lot of experience, I helped her to do well and her parents appreciated my contribution towards their daughter's academic achievements. After some months, however, her parents asked me to marry her. This was very unexpected as well as unwanted. I could not accept their proposal and stopped going to their house. One day, however, my student came to my university dormitory and told me that if I did not marry her she would commit suicide. What can I do now?
E

Dear E,
Please do not be taken in by this blackmail because it is utter nonsense. Just be clear in your conscience that you have not in any way led her to believe that you love her. If you are clear on that then you should not worry. Please go about your business and don't worry, I am sure she will get over it.

Dear Mita,
I'm a 22-year-old woman and an MA student. I have never been in love with anyone. I feel capable of loving someone very deeply but I don't know who to love. I can make friends easily and have some excellent ones. But whenever anyone proposes to me, I realise I don't love them and refuse right away. They think I'm crazy. I can't make them understand that I try to love them but can't. My family is not a problem. I feel like I need a companion but I don't have one. What can I do?
Poor Jenny

Dear Poor Jenny,
Perhaps you are very choosy and there is nothing wrong in that. However, don't take this to an extent that you become incapable of accepting people as they are. Think about some of the qualities you like and see if anyone you know or has proposed fits that picture. Remember, you will never find all the qualities in one person. Serious relationships involve adjustment and compromise from both sides. However, before anything else, you must be more accepting of people and feel confident enough to enter into a relationship.

Dear Mita,
I'm a cadet of Class 12. At the beginning of my vacation after my SSC exams, I made friends with a girl. We used to talk on the phone after midnight and became very close over three months. But my father's transfer later on and other reasons, including my phone being disconnected, made it difficult for us to keep in touch. A year and a half later I called her up thinking she'd be delighted but she seemed changed and as if she was avoiding me. She hung up on me the next time I called as well. I don't know what's happened. She used to be such a good friend and I really missed her. But her attitude has really upset and depressed me. What should I do?
Flash

Dear Flash,
I know this is hard to accept but your friend is no longer interested in your friendship. There is no reason to be upset or depressed. Experiencing joy, happiness, disappointment, etc. is all a part of growing up. This will prepare you for adult life which is much tougher and more cruel than a friend not responding to your telephone calls. Therefore, get your mind off this and concentrate on making new friends, both boys and girls.