<%-- Page Title--%> Write to Mita <%-- End Page Title--%>

<%-- Volume Number --%> Vol 1 Num 141 <%-- End Volume Number --%>

February 13, 2004

<%-- Navigation Bar--%>
<%-- Navigation Bar--%>
<%-- 5% Text Table--%>

Dear Mita,
I'm a 25-year-old man serving in the Air Force. I was madly in love with a colleague who also doted on me. We were very passionate about each other, enjoying every moment we spent together. He had astounding qualities and he was my role model who I adored. We had a supernal relationship though nothing happened between us as it so often does in the West. We even decided not to marry our whole lives but thought of ourselves as the happiest couple. Two years ago, he was posted to another base and we were both frustrated at the separation. During the first six months, we tried to continue our relationship by talking regularly over cell phone. But this wasn't enough and he became nervous and, though I know he did it inadvertently, he began to contact me less. A distance grew between us which turned into a great gap. Nowadays I feel he is sort of indifferent and less caring towards me. I can't imagine breaking up with him or life without him. How can I get him back? Please help.

Dear EK,
Certainly a gap has been created. You must meet with him and talk this over. Just one meeting will not do therefore you must make plans with him to see him over a longer period of time. Many people cannot handle separation and react in different ways. Perhaps he needs to be reassured about your relationship. But however difficult it may be to accept this, you must also be prepared to face the fact that he might have lost interest in you. It is important that both of you talk about it and discuss where your relationship is heading and your future plans.

Dear Mita,
I'm a BA (Hons.) student at AUB. I live in a mess at Uttara. My problem is that my roommates are always playing cards. I can't concentrate on my studies because of this and some of the other mess members don't like it either. They asked me to ask the card-players to stop which I did but they don't listen to me. What can I do?

Dear KS,
I think you should talk to your room mates again and try to reason with them. If this does not work then you will have to take this up with higher authorities. Not being able to study because of such disturbances is not acceptable and you should not tolerate it.

Dear Mita,
I'm an ex-student of a reputed private university currently not doing anything. A few months ago, I met a handsome and charming married man. He wanted us to be friends and I couldn't say no. His charismatic behaviour and way of talking made me crazy about him. Two months into the relationship, he kissed me. We often go on long drives together. Nowadays, it seems that he's most interested in the physical aspect of our relationship which I don't like at all. But I can't resist him when he wants to get physical though I've asked him to share this intimacy with his wife. But he says that, with her, love is absent. We can't even get married because neither his nor my family will accept it, but I don't want to have sexual relations with him without being married to him. My problem is that I love him very much but can't give him what he wants. Please help me.

Dear Torn,
My sincere advice is for you to get out of this relationship as soon as you can. This will lead to nothing but heartbreak for you. He does not seem to be a sincere person and is only using you. If he does not love his wife anymore then he should have the courage to admit that and break up with her. I suspect that he wants to hold on to both the relationships for very selfish reasons. You will have to be rational about this and think what this is leading to or whether this has any future or not. Please do not waste your time and energy over something that will not come to anything ultimately. He will certainly leave you after using you and you will lose your dignity and self-esteem.



(C) Copyright The Daily Star. The Daily Star Internet Edition, is published by The Daily Star