Humour

Haalkhata
Up in the Air

AANTAKI RAISA

It's been a week since the Bangla Noboborsho started. Street decorations have worn off, celebrations have taken their hiatus, and Bangamata is busy balancing the Bangla Balance sheet AKA the haalkhata. 1417 has been a bumpy ride for almost all Bangladeshis; unrest in the Hill Tracts, the share market collapse, the Grameen Bank saga, price hike, violence and what not! Following are scraps of the balances that Bangamata wants her children to make in the haalkhata of 1418:

The 'CNG' drivers: When you openly break the law, ask for a 'contract ride', or tamper the meter or reject any passenger- you don't just show audacity or vex the passengers, you show them a new form of dacoity! Congratulations on your invention. Spread the guts and the knowledge to the pirates of our country. May be in 1418, the Somalian pirates will be terrified of the ones you produce.

The Bus drivers: Balancing your haalkhata is a bit tough regarding the number of students killed because of your reckless driving. So instead of balancing your deeds, please try for a Formula 1 team; with your speed and aggression, you might just make it into the Ferrari team and make our country famous!

Anti Woman-Policy group: You have passed enough time trying to deprive women of some of their very basic rights. Now do something for the men to balance it out. You know, all human being equal and all.

Land grabbers: Your grabbing has surpassed the boundaries of lands and now you have become river encroachers. Why would you be constrained by rivers and lands only? Go get a piece of the Bay of Bengal; fill it up with mud and build your dream castle.

Eve teasers: For the last one year and before, you have entertained the ladies with your innovative ways of flattering (or harassing?). You have shown the power of taking lives through your comments and speeches; so use your sheer power on the suicide bombers of the extremist groups; sing one of those cheesy songs you sing and stalk them to death.

The protagonists of the stock market collapse: You have gifted Bangladesh with the biggest drama of the previous year. Properties were broken, people were bankrupt, and the Government was shaken as if there was an earth quake of 9.8 Richter. Our Film Development Corporation (FDC) is in dire need of such dramatic productions. Please help them make a blockbuster like the one you made in the share market.

Fans of the Bangladesh Cricket Team: You have been 'awesome' sport during the World Cup; you know, bragging like you had won us the match when the team won and becoming embarrassed being a Bangladeshi when the team lost. But other than that, you have shown marvelous skills in throwing rocks- in terms of accuracy and strength. Why waste this talent. Do sign up for the next Olympics; we might win some gold medals.

The corrupts of the nation: You have 'proudly' corrupted almost every sector of the country- governance, agriculture, education, sports, I name it, you've corrupted it. Being such experts at corruption, nothing seems to be challenging enough to corrupt now, does it? So here's the 1418 corruption challenge for you guys: corrupt nature, so that it brings in less floods, cyclones and droughts and more friendly seasons. Challenge accepted?

The honourable Opposition: Last year has been a year of your batting inning- three outs- walk out from the parliament, thrown-out from the residence and kick out from the party, then there has been boundaries of far-reaching speeches and 'runs' during hartal and riots. Let the New Year be your bowling inning- bowl out corruption, catch a breath of healthy politics, and field well to protect your country.

The mighty Rulers: The last year has been a practice of 'might is right'; there's been a lot of ruling and a lot less of governance. Last year you have played enough blame games. Let 1418 be an anti-1417 for you; that will do.