Jokes

Vital Truths

Top Ten Questions that Make You Go 'Huh':

• How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
• What happens if you get scared to death twice?
• If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?
• If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
• If you write a book about failure, and it doesn't sell, is it a success?
• If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
• If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
• If Superman is so smart, why does he wear underpants over his trousers?
• If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
• Why is it that if someone tells you there are 1 billion stars in the universe, you will believe them, but if someone tells you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

• The Magical World Inside The Abandoned Refrigerator
• Where to Find the Toys in the Oven
• 101 Games to Play in the Road
• Homemade Fireworks using a Bathtub, a Blowdryer, and a Fork
• Your Nightmares are real
• Monsters Killed Grandpa
• All Guns Squirt Water
• How Fun it is to Tie a Squirrel to a Kite
• If its Storming Out--The Best Place to Keep Shelter is Under a tree
• Dad's New Wife Robert

• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
• You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
• Same work, more pay.
• Grey hair and wrinkles only add character.
• If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
• Eid shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, the day before, in 45 minutes.

Things not to say to police officers:

• Sorry, Officer, I didn't realise my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
• Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
• Are You Andy or Barney?
• I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police officer.
• You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
• I pay your salary!
• Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
• Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
• I was trying to keep up with traffic. I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
• When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

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