English New Year, Western tradition has it that people make
all sorts of resolutions that range from giving up drinking
or smoking or both to must visit grandmother. Somehow the
resolve fades as soon as the romance of the advent of the
New Year leaves, and that is usually by lunchtime on January
it's already time to plan the resolution for the next year.
If I may be allowed to Bengalise the story, take the instance
of Mita's husband; New Year after New Year he kept on making
resolution after resolution until he ended up in someone else's
lap, for a year that is.
1999 : I will be an ideal husband to Mita
2000 : I will try to be a better husband to Mita.
2001 : I will try for reconciliation with Mita.
2002 : I will not leave Mita.
2003 : I will not see another woman in my life.
2004 : I will be an ideal husband to Rita.
2005 : I will try to be a better husband to Rita.
we do not have the space to show you Mita's widening grin,
(Oh! How happy I am for the child! Mita, I mean) we also intend
to stick to today's agenda.
it is not easy to keep them, 'New Years resolutions we can
keep' have become such a cliché over the years.
is rather straightforward. Take a simple vow that you can
imitate others. Do not promise to give up smoking just because
your friend has done so basically because in the first place
you do not smoke.
promise the impossible, like you will never be late again
for work, because basically you do not have a job.
make a resolution. Go to bed early. January 1 is not a public
will what you will. So, here are some samplers to make your
I will not deliver any speech longer than five minutes, okay
six. It should be easy because I will not mention any of the
dreams that I have been dreaming on behalf of my leader.
I will not make three blouses with the cloth of one: In that
case I will have more ice cream than before. I will not need
any excuse to stop exercising and start gaining weight. Yippee!
I am a free woman. But please don't take me literally.
ice-cream-wala: I will not sell ice cream to any film actress.
1: I will see only fifteen patients per day.
2: I will try to stop the patient drain by behaving like a
policeman: I will not encourage drivers to drive through the
1: I will only fish with a fishing rod and by the bank of
a water body.
2: I will not fish wide of the off stump on dry land.
cricket TV commentator: I will do my homework. I will not
only narrate and repeat the goings-on on the field because
I realise everyone with a TV can see that on their screen.
cricket TV commentator: I will not tell the total score more
than once in ten minutes because that is shown permanently
on the screen.
servant: I will show the world that it is possible to drag
my feet more and still keep my shoe as good as new.
I will spend more time at the office. Just don't let my wife
I will not run even if they tell me to. I will definitely
not guide them to show where we hide our weapons. I will duck
when my friends fire at them.
newscaster: I will not cover my head on camera as soon as
the new moon is sighted, and take it off as soon as it is
leader 1: I will carry on till I can send my son to school,
because this is the call of the hour of the student community
irrespective of sex, creed, and mobile company.
leader 2: I will make my teachers so tired of me that they
will form a syndicate to make me pass and leave.
I will not touch anything with my left hand.
police woman: I will try to get back on the road.
teacher: I will pass him even if he writes nonsense for the
twelfth straight year.
1: I will see 'Barood keno book-er moddhe jhan jhan jhan jhan
korey' and similar other blockbusters on release right after
convincing my wife to employ a driver so that I may have more
time to myself.
Husband: I will buy a new sweater.
Wife: I will knit jaan a new sweater.
My resolution: (please fill up in indelible ink; laminate
it so that you may feel guilty afterwards)
(R) thedailystar.net 2004