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     Volume 4 Issue 28 | January 7, 2005 |

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of will


Come the English New Year, Western tradition has it that people make all sorts of resolutions that range from giving up drinking or smoking or both to must visit grandmother. Somehow the resolve fades as soon as the romance of the advent of the New Year leaves, and that is usually by lunchtime on January 2.

In fact it's already time to plan the resolution for the next year.

Case study: If I may be allowed to Bengalise the story, take the instance of Mita's husband; New Year after New Year he kept on making resolution after resolution until he ended up in someone else's lap, for a year that is.
1999 : I will be an ideal husband to Mita
2000 : I will try to be a better husband to Mita.
2001 : I will try for reconciliation with Mita.
2002 : I will not leave Mita.
2003 : I will not see another woman in my life.
2004 : I will be an ideal husband to Rita.
2005 : I will try to be a better husband to Rita.

While we do not have the space to show you Mita's widening grin, (Oh! How happy I am for the child! Mita, I mean) we also intend to stick to today's agenda.

Since it is not easy to keep them, 'New Years resolutions we can keep' have become such a cliché over the years.

The principle is rather straightforward. Take a simple vow that you can handle.

Do not imitate others. Do not promise to give up smoking just because your friend has done so basically because in the first place you do not smoke.

Do not promise the impossible, like you will never be late again for work, because basically you do not have a job.

Do not make a resolution. Go to bed early. January 1 is not a public holiday.

But, you will what you will. So, here are some samplers to make your life easier.

Politician: I will not deliver any speech longer than five minutes, okay six. It should be easy because I will not mention any of the dreams that I have been dreaming on behalf of my leader.

Film actress: I will not make three blouses with the cloth of one: In that case I will have more ice cream than before. I will not need any excuse to stop exercising and start gaining weight. Yippee! I am a free woman. But please don't take me literally.

Patriotic ice-cream-wala: I will not sell ice cream to any film actress.

Doctor 1: I will see only fifteen patients per day.

Doctor 2: I will try to stop the patient drain by behaving like a doctor.

Traffic policeman: I will not encourage drivers to drive through the red light.

Cricketer 1: I will only fish with a fishing rod and by the bank of a water body.

Cricketer 2: I will not fish wide of the off stump on dry land.

First cricket TV commentator: I will do my homework. I will not only narrate and repeat the goings-on on the field because I realise everyone with a TV can see that on their screen.

Second cricket TV commentator: I will not tell the total score more than once in ten minutes because that is shown permanently on the screen.

Civil servant: I will show the world that it is possible to drag my feet more and still keep my shoe as good as new.

Businessman: I will spend more time at the office. Just don't let my wife into it.

Terrorist: I will not run even if they tell me to. I will definitely not guide them to show where we hide our weapons. I will duck when my friends fire at them.

Lady TV newscaster: I will not cover my head on camera as soon as the new moon is sighted, and take it off as soon as it is unsighted.

Student leader 1: I will carry on till I can send my son to school, because this is the call of the hour of the student community irrespective of sex, creed, and mobile company.

Student leader 2: I will make my teachers so tired of me that they will form a syndicate to make me pass and leave.

Chatpatiwala: I will not touch anything with my left hand.

Ex-Traffic police woman: I will try to get back on the road.

University teacher: I will pass him even if he writes nonsense for the twelfth straight year.

Driver 1: I will see 'Barood keno book-er moddhe jhan jhan jhan jhan korey' and similar other blockbusters on release right after convincing my wife to employ a driver so that I may have more time to myself.
Husband: I will buy a new sweater.
Wife: I will knit jaan a new sweater.
My resolution: (please fill up in indelible ink; laminate it so that you may feel guilty afterwards)

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