A Women's Mind
Quotes by Women

“You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.”-- Erica Jong

“My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.”-- Rita Rudner

“I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.”- Dolly Parton

“I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.” -- Wendy Liebman

“Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.” -- Erma Bombeck

“If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them.” -- Sue Grafton

I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead. -- Sue Kolinsky

I think -- therefore I'm single. -- Lizz Winstead

"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." -- Elayne Boosler

"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." -- Gilda Radner

"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.” -- Maryon Pearson

"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman." -- Margaret Thatcher

"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.” -- Gloria Steinem

“Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths."
-- Baroness Edith Summerskill

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" -- Linda Ellerbee

"Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." -- Gloria Steinem

"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." -- Katharine Hepburn

A WOMAN'S RANDOM THOUGHTS

Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.

One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 pounds.

My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.

They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen witch...do it and die!"

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.