Delightful
jam

Chintito

Went to Comilla Friday morning in two hours and later in the evening came back in four hours; by the same vehicle, by the same road, with the same persons. It took us a little over one-and-half hours to reach Dhaka Gate and much of the rest was due to the manthar pace up to Jatrabari.

These days it is absolutely no point getting worked up about a traffic jam. Take it as an inevitable aspect of life. Enjoy the scenery, i.e. if you are not driving. Keep your eyes open. You are sure to see some interesting faces in adjoining vehicles. Try to make your face interesting too for mutual benefit. Nothing is free these days, you know.

Unless you want a free amputation do not extend a handshake. If you are not interested in human beings under the inhuman conditions, smack a mosquito, wipe your sweaty forehead and cover your nose while reading the wayside signboards. If you are in an AC vehicle, pretend you are doing likewise. It's good manners with every one else watching.

In perusing you may find gold; for instance which leader is holy as a flower or the ahonkar of the wall writer. In fact you could collect the ones you like and share them with your friends the next time you get caught in a jam. That predictably is the next time you are on the road. You need not have to go as far as Comilla, although it is more fun.

Here are some collected by voyeurs over the years. I did have a say in some of them, and indeed some are from my notebook.

Signboard of a laundry called 'Suchitra' somewhere in Mymensingh: "Clothes are washed here in uttam manner." Those who have not seen any of them B/W masterpieces, do it now.

Sign on a petrol tank: “Janmo thekey jolchi" (Burning since birth).

A child who had just learnt to read insisted on stopping the car and doing as was said on the back of a CNG baby taxi: "Poo. Ka. Roo".

A plumbing company in the USA advertised thus: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber." On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." You can't say that to a plumber's wife.

On the wall of a college: "Politics, cheating and smoking free zone". Smoking is injurious to health, cheating is injurious to the society, but politics? Imagine to where our politicians have driven it to.

Chinese restaurant have unfathomable names. But not this one in Dhaka: "Yean Tun Kai Jan". If you can't decipher that you have either never had Chinese food, or spoken in Bangla.

Pizza shop slogan: "Seven days without pizza makes one weak." Three-sixty five days with a guy makes a yaar.

Outside a shop that repairs vehicle silencers: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

Someone who thought it was fine to pick flowers read this on a garden signpost: "Fine for picking flowers".

On a veterinarian's front door: "Be back in five minutes. Sit! Stay!" Woof!

On the wall of a library for deep-sea divers: "Place to sink."

Over a gynaecologist's office: "Doctor at your cervix."

Signboard outside a political party's office: "The Dream Team -- We dream for dead people."

Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "We can help you pick your nose!"

Sign over the exit door of a Kazi Office: "Please visit us again". What some people would not do for good business.

On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts".

Outside a minister's office: "Visiting hours, by prior appointment, only on Wednesdays from 3-3.30 PM".

Outside an ex-minister's house: "An experienced representative of the people. All are welcome. Open 24 hours. Time unlimited. Please bring along your friends and relatives."

The sitting arrangement at an SSC Examination centre was spelt thus in Bangla: "Cheat No: 511, Cheat No. 512..."

On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."

On the dress of a fashion page editor: "Deadline -- Cross this line and your dead."

At an optician's chamber: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

A dentist promises thus: "The whole tooth and nothing but the whole tooth."

In the front yard of a sesh beedaye store: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

On the back of a massive truck: "I am innocent. Please don't hit me."

Son of a civil servant caught in a traffic jam to his mother: “Baba keno chaakor?”

Wishing you all happy hunting!