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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I have a strange problem. I am a 21-year-old girl but I feel like I belong to the opposite sex. I always had a fascination with men, and I thought I was attracted to them but I have come to realise that I want to be a man. I have been feeling this way for quite a while and have talked to my friends about it but they either laughed it off or were extremely disturbed by it. I myself don't fully understand what has happened to me. Can you please tell me what to do?
Confused

Dear Confused,
We have all experienced at some stage the desire to be men instead of women. This is due to the preferential status of men in our society. However, if this goes to the extent that you continue to want this then I think you should see a medical doctor and a psychologist. There are cases of sex change surgery in Bangladesh, as you might know. Whatever you do, think about it very carefully as there is a social taboo surrounding such issues. You should share your feelings very openly and in detail with a close friend or, as I suggested, with a psychologist who will be able to advise you appropriately.
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Dear Mita,
I am a 20-year-old man belonging to a middle class family. I have been in love with my cousin for as long as I can remember. We have been together for several years but recently I found out she has been cheating on me. Since my family and I had taken for granted that we would be married, this came as a shock to me. I have not told my family yet because she is begging me to forgive her and take her back but I am confused as to whether I will ever trust her again. She says she was flattered by another man's attentions and made a mistake. I still love her but I don't think I will ever forget what she has done. Please tell me what the right thing to do here is.
Shocked

Dear Shocked,
It all depends on how much you love and want her to be a part of your life. Frankly, everyone is entitled to one mistake. If she has admitted that it was momentary indiscretion, which she regrets, then you should consider it and go on with your lives. Most importantly, if both of you are 20 then you have other essential things to focus on such as your studies and career. Put your mind to those and encourage her to do the same. Getting married is a very serious business and needs mature consideration before finally making a decision.
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Dear Mita,
I am a 30-year-old woman, working at a bank and recently I have fallen head over heels in love with a younger man, He is good-looking, intelligent and charming and has swept me off my feet. However, he is not ready to get married and start a family and I am at the stage in my life where I want all those things, as does my family. He wants to take things slow and see where the relationship goes but this is proving to be impossible for me. I care about him deeply and do not want to let him go. I also do not want to pressurise him into getting married. Please tell me how to handle this situation so no one gets hurt.
Old

Dear Not so Old,
Nowadays, it is not such a big deal to fall in love and get married to an older person. What is important to consider is if he is ready for this. It seems from your letter that he likes being in love but is not ready to take the responsibility that comes with it. You should certainly not pressurise him but there are critical decisions that need to be taken such as, when does he think he will be ready? I don't want to sound discouraging but you must pin him down to some deadline, this cannot be an open-ended relationship where he will keep on stalling for time.