The Thief of Baghdad

Chintito

FORTNIGHT AGO: Caught on the airwaves near the Fenta-gon by one from our very loveable Royal District. He craned his ears closer to the receiver.
#Hey Mac, how's life? Over.
## Mac here! Not bad at all. Over.
Are they playing cricket? That is some fast pace they are maintaining. Could be, everything is fast here. This is one game in which we can make the Americans nasta-nabood. Such thoughts were crisscrossing his mind when alive again came his receiver.
# Not bad! How could you even say that? Have you not seen on TV what's going on in Iraq? Over.
## You don't believe everything you see on TV, do ya? Over.
# But these are LIVE pictures, Mac! We are losing men every day. That's bad, Mac. Over.
## How much would you say is bad? Over.
# How much? We lost nearly three hundred already in November, Mac. That's bad and I am scared. Over.
## Don't be daft! We have this five-sided building all protected. Over.
# It was protected then...
## When? Over
# Nine-eleven. Over.
Hatha-nera are not playing cricket. This is something more serious. One of the two guys is scared; the other is arrogant. That's fifty percent of Americans scared as compared with the other half that is arrogant.
## But now we can detect any aircraft movement within a five-mile radius. Over.
# Aircraft? What if they come from underground? (Silence) I wonder if that is what is taking them so long to strike again. Over.
## Th.. the.. there is noth.. nothing to be sca.. scared of. Ov.. over.
# Are you chilly down there? Over.
Our listening friend thinks to himself. After all this time Bhai shaheb has spoken the truth. He is indeed very “chilly”, that stupid stuck-up Yankee.
## I said there is nothing to be scared of. Over.
# You bet. Over.
## Even Iraq is safe. We have been made very welcome there by the people whom we have liberated. They did not ask us to. But we felt like doing them a favour. We have this favour-itch off and on around the world. They pulled down statues of Saddam. That was funny. (giggles) Over.
# If Iraq is safe, how are we losing men? The number is increasing by the day. Over.
## Look you want to bet Iraq is safe or not? Over.
# Mac, I am not comfortable here. How can our men be safe there? Over.
## Okay, maan. You are on. Over.
# What's the bet then? Over.
## I bet the president of the United States can go to Iraq and back. Over.
(Long silence)
## Hey maaan, are you there? Over.
# But, that.. that's never been done before. No pres...
## There is always a first time. Over.
#What's the plan then? Over.
## Look, the run down to the elections has begun. Now is the right time for a major stunt. Over.
# When exactly? Over.
## The Thanksgiving Day, no night, is perfect. The darkness will be necessary. Over.
# If it is that safe, why do you want the darkness? Over.
## I did not say it was one hundred percent safe. Did I? Over.
# What about the media? They are sure to know. Over.
## No way! We will release TV pictures showing him arriving at some other place here in the States at the time he will be actually landing in Baghdad. No one will suspect a thing. Over.
# But is not that lying? Over.
## Will it be the first time? Over.
(Long silence)
## In fact we will announce his visit after his plane No.1 takes off from Baghdad Airport. Over.
# Is it not risky? I heard they have rocket launchers. Over.
## That's precisely why he has to go under cover. Over.
# Will it not make the most powerful man in the world look like a petty thief? Imagine entering a country stealthily and departing likewise. Over.
## Since we are already being blamed for trying to steal the Iraq oil, I see no harm. Over
# Will the president agree? Over.
## The way the opinion polls are going, he will do anything. Over.
# What about the voters... Hey Mac! I think we are being bugged.
## Attention... attention all agents. A man from Sonagazi has been listening to TOP SECRET .... CONFIDENTIAL ... RESTRICTED...kkzzzttttsssss..
Khaisey amaarey.