The week in re(ar)view

Panicky unconsciousness
Last week, more than a hundred students of different schools in Narayanganj, Gazipur, Jhenidah, Natore and Bagerhat mysteriously became sick. Apparently it was not a disease but something akin to mass hysteria. Back in school we regularly felt such hysteria just before exams we had not prepared for. We also had a reason for not preparing. Thinking about the hysteria that we would feel later on caused anxiety we could not deal with.

Apparently, teens have underdeveloped nervous systems that cannot cope with stress. Either that or they have a ready tendency to go for easy excuses. According to an expert, when students heard about the disease, many of them started thinking they could be affected by it. Sometimes without any fathomable reasons, they start feeling that they have become a victim of the "mysterious disease".

And considering the media attention, the 'disease just escalated as more desperate teens became unduly informed.

The bigger they come
Awami League chief Sheikh Hasina was arrested last week for tons of corruption cases against her. It was one heck of a spectacle. It's a police turnout that an American president would be envious of. About 60 joint forces vehicles entered Dhanmondi Road 5/A towards Hasinas house. About a thousand cops turned up to arrest one lone woman who did not carry even a small nuclear weapon. What were they afraid of? It was a funny sight all those cops turning up to capture a high profile figure whereas they are never around when an actual crime happens.

It just goes to show that the bigger they come, the more cops turn up to watch them fall.

A lake was here
Someday we will look at our lakes and wonder, “where is the lake”? The rate at which builders are encroaching and filling up lakes, soon we won't have any left. And now even ad firms are joining hands in making lakes an endangered specie in Bangladesh. One firm is busy erecting a billboard filling up a portion of Gulshan Lake beside Kalachandpur Gudaraghat on Gulshan-1-Mohakhali link road.

An official of the ad firm Neptune stated that they have permission from Dhaka City Corporation (DCC). DCC on the other hand denies. While people are trading comments back and forth, workers have already set up concrete foundations. Apparently, the firm obtained permission from the DCC at a rent of Tk 100 for per square foot a month. Such a billboard usually earns Tk 4-5 lakh a year.
Sweeeeeet!

Fishy ghee
A mobile court seized around 3.6 metric tonnes of adulterated ghee worth about Tk 10 lakh on 15 July. One Shahjalal Food and Chemical Works produced and marketed the adulterated ghee branded as 'Taaza'. We know 'ghee' is not very good for health. Now it just got worse.

On another report, Hilsa worth Tk 1.3cr was seized at Mongla. Now if you put two and two together, or rather put the ghee and fish together, it could be a great business.

By Mood Dude and Gokhra

Vox-Pop

Hey there everyone! Vox-Pop went into hibernation for a while, but now its back! This week, we went around and asked people of various age groups something different for a change: “Have you found true love in this lifetime?” Check out the most shocking and amazing replies!

Well, I went and fell for the guy everyone warned me about, and he did just what they said he'd do - left me for someone else without looking back even once. After months of hurting myself over him, I think I'm beginning to move on, but I'll never trust any guy as completely again. Was that true love? I don't know Samira, a university student, age: 23

I chased the prettiest girl in my school, sacrificed the career I wanted to go for- so that I could go the same university she was in. After she completed her studies, I asked her father for her hand in marriage and he agreed. It was after marriage I realized I didn't love her after all. Come on, we never talked or went out on dates! Now I'm just left with regrets RH, works for UNICEF, age: 31

I've been in love with him for the past six years. We are just friends. And he will never fall for me, that I have managed to let my stupid head realize. What am I going to do now? Nothing. I'll go one loving him. But every time I think about the fact that he's never going to be mine- it hurts- SR, O-Level Student, age: 16

I loved him a lot in the beginning. But I don't think I love him anymore. I'm still with him because now we're so used to each other. Life with anyone else is unimaginable. Tania, works for an Ad firm, age: 27

Well, you might find it strange hearing this from a teenager, but yes, I think I have found true love. But I realized that only after he passed away. He used to love me so much, but I never got a chance to tell him how I felt. However, there is one question I ask myself everyday: would I have felt like this if he had been alive? - NZ, A-Levels, age: 18

Dear, I have two grown up kids. They are my whole world. Why would I want to ask myself such a question? Yet, I want to tell you this, yes I did find love, and believe me- it was real. Was I lucky enough to marry him? The answer would be no. But I have a good husband, and love is all in the past now- RA, retired government officer, age: 47

The guys these days are so messed up! They force their girls to do things in the name of love. If you ask me, then let me tell you something…this is anything BUT love!! I'm a guy so trust me on this; a guy would never force his girl to have a psychical relationship with him if he truly loved her. That's all I got to say. As for me, I don't believe in love - Zahid, O-Levels, age:17

I have. Every time I look into her eyes, I forget the whole world. And inside my heart I know, she's the one I've been looking for all this time. I'd hate to lose her and I think I'm the luckiest guy on earth because she loves me more than anything! - Rian, university student, age: 21

He needs me and that's why I can't get out of the relationship I'm stuck in. Sometimes I feel as though I love him loads. But he has hurt me a lot in the past. Now that I know that he's doing better and has fallen for me for real, I feel nothing- AN, A-Level student, age: 17

P.S. Names have been changed in order to maintain privacy.

By Nayeema Reza

A peanut walks into a police station to make a complaint claiming he was a salted.

A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says “I'll serve you, but don't start anything”.

A sandwich walks into a bar, The barman says, “Sorry, we don't serve food in here”.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, and one for the road”.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I've lost my electron”.
The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I'm positive”.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I went to the butchers the other day and bet him 50 bucks he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said “No, the steaks are too high”.

What do you call a fish with no eyes ? A fsh!

Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, “I'll man the guns, you drive”.

By Iftikhar Azam

How do you start then?
Where do you begin again?
How do you reclaim your life
And all of its remains?

An empiness,
Waiting to be filled,
A thousand clouded thoughts,
Waiting to be distilled,
Into a clearer view,
To be envisioned,
A Cynic's prayers,
Yet to be listened,

I've always known
Love is the best purifier,
Then why am I so unpure
So spoiled by my own desire?
I see a flawless face
Into the mirror,
And yet they don't skip my eyes,
The mistakes, the errors.

The catalyst of hope,
The faith enhancer,
I know You're up there…
But not once You answer.

And yet I saw beyond the skies
A light just for me has glistened
A Cynic's prayers…
Has been listened.

By The Incurable Optimist