A’s
for sale
Sayeed
Mahmud Nizam
DId
you do badly in your O-Levels? Are you fretting about how you will
show your certificate to your parents? Take a chill pill! After all,
with a place called Nilkhet around, who needs to worry?
You
heard me. If your report card needs a makeover, you should just head
straight to Nilkhet. Over there you will find shops that make fake
certificates that apparently look just like the real deal. In fact,
the makers of these certificates purport that the fakes are so good
that even an expert will not be able to distinguish between a fake
and an original certificate.
Think
I'm taking you on a ride? I promise, I am not. After hearing about
fake certificates being made at Nilkhet, I personally went there to
verify whether the practice actually takes place or not. Within the
matter of 10 minutes I managed to find a shop that was willing to
prepare a fake certificate for me (I am not going to disclose the
name of the shop because if I do so then they will send me on the
fast track to death!). The man who would carry out the task said to
me: "Ami onek loker jonno certificate banaye dise, karo kono
oshobida hoy nay. Banaye deyar pore apni original er shate milaye
loyben, dekhben kono partthoko payben naa (I have made certificates
for many people, and none of them have faced any problems. After I
finish making your fake certificate, you can compare it with an original
and I can assure you that you will not find a difference)." For
this 'noble' service of his he asked for a mere TK 1000, and said
that I would not have to pay any amount in advance. As for delivery,
he said that if I placed my order at 6PM, he would have my certificate
ready by 10PM.
Besides
making fake certificates, I was told by the man that he could make
a fake identity card for me. According to him, I would find life very
difficult without such a card. He said: "America gele to ar Bangladesher
moto eto shohoje mod paben naa. Boyosh ekush na dekhaite parle hera
apnar kase mod bikri korbe naa (It's not as easy to get alcohol in
America as it is over here. You have to prove you're 21 before they
let you drink)." If I placed an order for both a fake certificate
and a fake identity card, he promised to provide me a substantial
discount. When I enquired exactly how much I would have to pay, he
said: "Dui hazar Taka to rakha lage, tobe apnar jono atharosho
rakhbo (Well, I normally charge TK 2000, but for you I will do it
at a special rate of TK 1800)."
So,
did I actually get the fake papers? I didn't. It didn't feel right,
cheating my parents. Were I to go abroad and use those fake ID's to
get into bars, and spend my parents' hard-earned money on alcohol,
I doubt I'd be able to live with myself. However, if conscience is
not a problem for you, feel free to pay those ingenious counterfeiters
a visit. If you ever get caught and thrown into jail or something,
don't forget to send me a postcard.
Coming
back to the fake certificates, sure, the people at Nilkhet promise
exact duplications, but you might consider the fact that these people
don't have the technology to reproduce those hi-fi magnetized strips
you find on GCE certificates. So while you might just get away with
fooling your folks, don't expect the universities to buy it. Even
if you do get away with it, if you haven't earned the kind of grades
that show up on those pieces of paper, then you are bound to get caught.
There was this one fellow I know, who managed to get into a renowned
private university using fake certificates. A semester or so later,
his poor performance compelled the authorities to perform a background
check, whereby, he was caught and expelled. What a disgrace!
So,
there you have it. Just like a 'true democracy' our country offers
you the choice between an original and a fake certificate! The buffoons
cannot resist the temptation of owning a fake certificate showing
excellent results, and end up living their lives with the fear of
getting caught. On the other hand, the smart people study hard so
that the question of doing poorly in an exam does not arise. These
smart people end up getting an ORIGINAL certificate that certifies
that they got 6 or more A's in their O-Levels. What kind of loser
brags about grades that he didn't actually get?
So
if you don't want to have to resort to such desperate means as making
fake certificates to save your hide, start studying hard and I assure
you that you will have an ORIGINAL certificate proclaiming excellent
results. Trust me, it can be done. In other words, you do not have
to go to Nilkhet to obtain 6 or more A's!
NOTE:
We at Rising Stars do not support this act of faking certificates
or Ids rather we insist that you should study hard and think about
getting the original like our writer suggests.
Driving Us Crazy
Ayesha
S. Mahmud
LAst week I had
a huge problem in my hands. I needed to get a driver's license as
fast as possible, preferably within a couple of weeks. Now that wasn't
really the problem. The truth is I do not know the first thing about
driving and the only thing I have ever driven is my toy car. I soon
found out, though, much to my shock, that no problem is too big when
you are in Dhaka.
So there I was
with my not-so-small problem, thinking how I could possibly get a
license in so short a time. As I soon discovered, I had no reason
to worry. I contacted a few friends of mine (and their driver's, of
course!) and a few phone calls later I found myself in front of a
small building in a rather shady part of town. It had a large signboard
perched on top, proclaiming it to be a driving school, but there was
not a single car to be seen anywhere. My pocket was bulging with a
thick bundle of crisp notes that I had picked up from the bank, on
my way. I was quickly ushered in and taken in front of a rather creepy
looking man who invited me to sit down. "Aapni deeriving paren
to?" he asked. "Oh, yes, yes! Of course!" I replied,
hoping that the smile, on my face, didn't look completely fake. That
was the end of my driving test. I filled out a form and the money
exchanged hands underneath the table. I left the building with my
mind and pocket both feeling lighter and the promises of a license
within two weeks ringing in my ears.
So I finally got
my license yesterday and it is absolutely perfect. No way to detect
any fraud whatsoever. The thing is I never actually planned to drive
around Dhaka with my fake license. I do not want to die young! The
reason why I needed the driving license, to begin with, is another
long story so I won't delve into that today. But the whole incident
made me think about what is happening in Dhaka. Can it really be this
easy for people to get a driving license in Bangladesh? Can anyone
who has a little money, the right contacts and a couple of stamp size
photographs get a license this easily?
Driving in Dhaka
is actually quite a frightening experience. If you ask me, being a
passenger is pretty scary too! There are cars coming from every direction
possible. There are huge trucks and buses trying to establish their
authority and almost pushing us, mere mortals, aside. Traffic rules
are things of the past and everyone seems to have their own rules
for driving. Everyone is in such a hurry that it makes one wonder
if the end of the world is near! It is almost like a jungle, where
the animals are fighting to defend their territory and where only
the strongest will survive. How many of these drivers have a proper
license? How many of them learned the rules of driving? How long will
it be before someone makes a fatal mistake?
