Write to Mita

Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I know this person who I have to see every day and have to pretend to like but I cannot stand him. He is self obsessed and thinks he is better than everyone else. He is constantly putting me down and treating me like I have no brains, but he does it in a way that only I notice. Everyone else around me seems to think he is smart and funny and perfect, which infuriates me even more. The scary thing is, I might actually be jealous of this person! I really don't want to feel like this because whether I like it or not, I cannot avoid him. Please tell me how I can deal with this.
Confused

Dear Confused,
You don't have to like everyone you know, but can certainly have a civil relationship. The sign of maturity is when you can put off your personal feeling and get along with everyone. You need to overlook his behaviour, in fact, ignore him if you can. Never mind that others think he is smart and perfect. If he is really a self-obsessed and arrogant person then others will find out sooner or later and he will be shunned. Meanwhile, keep to yourself and don't let such trivial matters bother you.

Dear Mita,
One of my childhood friends is acting weird with me. She and I used to see each other very often and keep in touch all the time before she got married, but after that we got busy with our own lives. She is busy with her new relatives, work and husband while I am busy with my boyfriend, new friends and work. I never thought anything was wrong between us until a few weeks ago when she started acting cold towards me. She doesn't answer or return my calls and when we do talk she keeps it short and to the point. I have asked her if she is upset with me but she said she is not. I don't know how to talk to her, but I want to make things right. Can you give me some advice on this?
Hurt

Dear Hurt,
Perhaps you are not being able to reconcile with the fact that your friend is no longer free to spend time with you and she has other priorities. On the other hand, marriage and children are no reasons to ignore childhood friends. Give this some time, continue to reach out to her but if she still does not respond then think carefully as to why she is behaving this way. Ask other friends if she is acting the same way with them. If you get no answer then confront her but in a non-threatening way. I am sure you will get the answer and things will be back to normal again. However, be prepared and don't be too hurt if you find out that she is no longer interested in your friendship.

Dear Mita,
I just discovered that my boyfriend lies to me about small things. They may be the simplest of things like when his friend calls he says its his mother. I don't even understand why such a thing needs to be lied about. I have tried to talk to him about it, in fact I have begged him to stop lying and every time he promises he won't but I always end up catching him lying about the silliest of things. I am beginning to wonder if he lies about bigger, more hurtful things and I don't know if I can trust him anymore. Can you tell me what I should do?
Unhappy

Dear Unhappy,
This is a serious matter. Obsessive liars are very hard to deal with and harder to trust. Perhaps he needs counseling and you should talk to him about it. You cannot ignore this habit as usually, it becomes and gets into a stage when there is no truth in anything they say or do. If you are in a serious relationship then try to help him, counsel him yourself, get to the bottom of his lying, analyse the reasons for his behavior. If nothing works then refer him to a counselor. If he is willing to confront his problem then give him a chance.