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Write to MIta

Write to Mita

Dear Mita,

My girlfriend thinks I'm stingy with my money. We have just been together for a few months, but she complains to all her friends and mine that I don't spend enough on buying her gifts. Just the other day, we were at a boutique with my friend who was buying a gift for his girlfriend for their anniversary. Seeing this, my girlfriend immediately began to complain that I never do the same for her. I tried to explain that I don't earn much yet and would buy her gifts for special occasions, but she became upset and so to please her I bought her something. However, I don't know how long I can continue to buy her things. I haven't dated too many women so I wanted to know if this is normal behavior for a girl. I try to show her I care in many ways but she is never happy till I get her things. I even heard her telling a friend that she needs someone who can “take care of her better.” Please tell me what I should do.
Miserable

Dear Miserable,
To answer your question. Expecting a gift whenever you are out is not usual but not abnormal also. Some young women are still in a dependency mode that prescribes that men should take care of them. This comes from the notion that only men have the responsibility of fulfilling basic and material needs. Please have a serious talk and discuss issues such as each others expectations, rights and responsibilities. Perhaps you are not suited for each other and it is better you find that out now then later.

Dear Mita,
I have a friend who always flirts with the men I date. She and I have been close for a while but I hate it when she does that. Even when she is in a relationship, she will always be overtly flirtatious with my boyfriend. Sometimes she claims that my boyfriend flirts with her and sends her suggestive messages behind my back. I am finding it hard to be her friend, but I have no choice because I am afraid to hurt her feelings. How should I handle this situation?
Annoyed

Dear Annoyed,
This is really a very strange friend. There are certain norms that all relationships must maintain. One of them is not to flirt or as they say “hit on” your friend's spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend. You should tell your friend that this is unacceptable behavior. There is no need to be afraid to hurt her feelings. She does not seem to have any problem in hurting your feelings. Having a frank talk is the best way to handle this.

Dear Mita,
I caught my colleague stealing money from another colleague's purse recently. I just happened to walk in when the office is usually empty and I saw her rummaging through and finally extracting a wallet and taking money from it. I was so much in shock I just stood there and watched till she noticed me. She begged me not to tell anyone and said she was just borrowing money, but I remembered a time when we were all missing small amounts of money and blamed it on coincidence and carelessness. I never imagined one of my colleagues, who I work with and know well (or so I thought) would be capable of doing this! I asked her if she needed money for something but I know very well that she comes from a well off family and makes enough from her salary. I feel guilty not reporting her and I don't trust her one bit. What should I do?
Shocked

Dear Shocked,
This is a very difficult one as it is related to ethics. Your friend has done a terrible thing, in fact quite unforgivable and you have all the justification to expose her. She has broken the trust of her friends and colleagues and deserves no sympathy especially because she steals not out of need but greed. However, there is a one percent chance that she has some psychological problem and needs counseling. In that case, advise her to seek help and monitor her actions for the next few months. Tell her in a very strong way that this is the last time that you will over look this but next time will certainly report her.