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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
People are spreading all sorts of rumours about me, about what work I do, about my marital status, etc. I am an honest person so I don't know how or why this is happening. How can I make it stop?
From the Heart of Darkness

Dear Heart,
Just ignore and it will go away. Please don't let it bother you because this is just what they want. Some people thrive on talking and spreading rumours about others. They have nothing better to do and mostly their own lives are meaningless. If you feel too strongly about it then confront them but my first reaction is to ignore them.

Dear Mita,
I work full time, sometimes more, and have no time for my family, let alone myself. My husband is a very considerate and caring person and knows how much my work means to me and how important it is for me to do it well. But I myself feel bad that I can barely give him or our home time -- I don't know what will happen if and when we start a family. Yet I can't seem to lighten my workload either. I've stopped taking on too much extra work, but the basic work itself takes up all day and much of the night as well. Quitting this job is not really an option, how else can I deal with this situation?
Stuck in a Maze

Dear Stuck,
It is very important to set priorities at the right time. Of course your work is important but remember the office will not stop functioning nor will the world be worse off if you don't work that hard. Please set targets for yourself that are realistic and which do not interfere with the most important things in your life, which is your family. Nobody is asking you to leave your job, just prioritise your work. Your husband might be understanding now but someday he might question what is more important to you. Finally, if you are planning to have a family then now is the time to take stock of your work and the adjustments you need to make.

Dear Mita,
I am a 29-year-old single woman. My parents have been wanting me to get married for the last few years but I did not feel ready. Even now, I have my fears regarding the whole concept, but I'm thinking if I need to do it someday, might as well do it now, or soon anyway. Only because I'm afraid that 10 or 15 years from now I might feel lonely and wish I had a family of my own, not only a companion but also children. But I'm scared to meet people and have recently not come across anyone I'm interested in. How should I deal with this whole meeting people thing then? Should I do it, and if so, how can I conquer my fears of learning to know and rely on a stranger with whom I may be spending my life?
Fearful

Dear Fearful,
You are not the first person to go through these fears. Getting married and committing to a lifetime of relationship is a scary proposition, especially if you don't have anyone particular in mind. However, there is a lot to be said about getting married. The most important one being getting a partner with whom you can share your joys and sorrows, someone who will be there for you and accept you as you are. There are of course many other factors such as biological needs, the joy of having children and raising a family, etc. If you have not selected someone yet then ask your parents, friends or relatives to set up meetings with eligible men -- this is quite common now. Then choose the one who suits your temperament the most. However, remember, finally it is a leap of faith. You have to work on your marriage no matter what.