::: Star Weekend Magazine :::

Chintito

First class all the way!

Chintito

Last week we presented a collage of what sort of people our government has to deal with. If you thought that is a Herculean task, spare a moment for Barack Hussein Obama, who is to be sworn in within hours of my dispatching this as the 44th president of the USA.

He is the first black to head the White House. He is the first African descendant to man the oval office. He is the first of Muslim parentage to order the withdrawal of troops from Iraq, the Vietnam of the Middle East. And indeed, he has to be first class if he hopes to take out the American nose from the problem pies they have baked, for not all those who voted for him are. Here are some anecdotes (received by email) from the country that GWB (Gone with the Wind Bush), the most unpopular US president ever, ruled for eight treacherous years.

The first black president of the US, Barack Obama.

A woman called in to the toxicology dept at Chicago's poison control centre. She was very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. The doctor quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. And you thought there were no ants in America, only aunts.

Last year, some Boeing employees decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locater beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing. And you thought there were thieves only in Biman.

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, 'Put all your money in this bag.' While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip, and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America. And you thought you have to stand in line only in Bangladesh.

A NY motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40. And you thought rightly that they make faster cars for nothing.

A guy walked into a little corner store in Kansas City with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, 'Because I don't believe you are over 21.' At this point, the robber gave his driver's license to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later. And you thought Scotch is good for health.

Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of extra hardened glass. And you thought shop windows are attacked only during hartal.

In semi-rural Weyauwega in Wisconsin, a new-in-the-neighbourhood guy called the local township administrative office to request the removal of the 'Deer Crossing' sign on the road. His reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! - I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.' And you thought the only way to make deer extinct was to send them to the Sundarbans.

<[email protected]>