Jokes

What Happened??

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near death experience. During that experience she sees God and asks if this is it.
God says no and explains that she has another 30 years to live. Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc.
She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she's got another 30 years she might as well make the most of it. She walks out of the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance.
She arrives in front of God and complains: "I thought you said I had another 30 years!!
God replies, "Sorry, I didn't recognise you."

Curly is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions.
He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails.
Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oh, I finished the exam in half an hour." he says, "Now I am rechecking my answers."

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal.
Feeling somewhat hungry he sat down and looked over the menu...

Broiled Missionary: $10.00
Fried Explorer: $15.00
Baked Politician: $100.00.

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politician?"
The cook replied "Have you ever tried to clean one of them?"

Two assassins are hired to kill a dictator in South America. They follow his every move for months, and find out that every day at noon he goes outside and does his stretching exercises.
So the assassins set up shop right across the street, get all of their sights set, load the guns, and have everything ready to go.
Noon comes, no dictator... 10 minutes longer... no dictator.
One assassin turns to the other and says, "Gee, I hope nothing happened to him."

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